TV Channel Kab-Tak? planted a fly on the meeting hall wall. The fly was actually a spy microphone. Here is what was actually said in the Day-1 meeting of BCCI honchos and the coach, captain, manager, and chief selector.
Shah -- Okay everyone. We are gathered here to hear from Shri Chappell, Shri Inzy, Shri Jagdale, and Shri Vengsarkar, to hear what they have to say about the World Cup mishap and their reasons for this accident. Shri Chappell, can we start with you?
GC -- Yeah, mate. But first, where is Foster?
Shah -- Uummm... who is Shri Foster?
GC -- This is ridiculous!! You don't know Foster, mate? "Foster - Australian for Beer", haven't you heard that *beeping* Ad?
Shah -- Oohhh... he he he he.... yes we have Shri Foster. Arey, bairaa!!! Sahab ko Foster maro!! (Waiter, bring Foster for sir).
GC -- (after taking a big sip) Well, here's how it is, mate. And how it is, is how I'm gonna say it to ya. And how I'm gonna say it to ya is how it is. So, in short, all the senior *beeped* up. I mean, they really *beeped*. They don't listen to me, they don't talk to me. I told 'em to give me a *beeping* massage, and they don't listen. I had to drag Pathan to get a *beeing* massage!! They say in India, people respect their elders, no matter what. Well, I'm an old fart. Why don't they respect me? When that young *beep* Ponting pushed old Pawar a little, whole country erupted saying "is this how *beeping* Aussies treat their elders"? Well, how about treating an elder like me? Where's my *beeping* respect? They can't even give me a massage. *beep* that. It's all their fault, these *beeping* seniors of the team. They are even influencing the youngsters now. *beepers*. Now even youngsters like Raina, VRV are not coming to my room!! Can you believe that? I feel lonely.
Shah -- Shri Chappell, we asked you to give your report about failure in World Cup, not bedroom secrets.
GC -- Well, that's what I telling. These seniors don't listen to me anymore? I tell them to go bat, they field first. I tell them to bat fast, they bat slow. I mean, what the *beep* am I gonna do with them? When I question their attitude, they start crying!! I say fire 'em, fire 'em all *beepers*.
Shah -- Okay, that was very insightful report from Shri Chappell. Now let us hear what Shri Inzy has to say.
Inzy -- As-Salaam-Alaikum. Bismillah ur Reham Al Rahim. First of all, iz, thanks to Allah. Iz, yeezzzzz,iz I not iz a know what iz to a say? Hain ji? I am Inzy. I scored a 15017 run.
Shah -- But Inzy, you will have to tell us why do you think India lost so badly in World Cup.
Inzy -- Iz, I iz play a well, boyz iz play a well. Hain ji? What iz I a say? Iz, a phyzio is to a fault.
Shah -- Physio? Why? How?
Inzy -- Iz, a phyzio not iz a let to eat a Alu-Paratha. Iz a azk to run a hard and long. Iz, I am Inzy. Hain ji? I scored a 15017 run. I not iz a run to like. I iz a bat. I not iz a runner. I iz a batter. I am the kaptaan of Kircut. Hain ji? Veeru like iz a eat to Samosa. Iz, a phyzio not iz a let to Veeru eat to a Samosa. Iz Veeru not iz a happy. Iz, a phyzio iz a azk to Yuvi iz a sleep early... and iz alone. Iz what eez theez? Iz Yuvi iz to like Kim. I iz a like to Mandira. Phyzio iz not allow to uz a see them. All boyz iz a unhappy. Iz, they a young and hard boyz. Iz even a Sachin and Gungooly iz a young boyz. Iz, he he he, they not iz a hard. Hain ji? Iz, a boyz not iz a happy, they not iz a play to well. They iz get upset to stomach. Iz, what iz to a do? Iz, not iz a doctor in a team. Iz, Video Ramki iz a give to hiz mother medicine only. Hain ji? What can iz a do? Boyz not iz a well. Not iz a play to well. Iz a phyzio to fault. Hain ji?
Shah -- That's surprising! Finding fault with physio. Anyway, what about you, Shri Jagdale? What do you have to say?
SJ -- Actually, I don't have any thing to say.
Shah -- Why?
SJ -- Eerrrr... actually I had invited Raj Dungarpur to my room. So most of the time, I spent in my room in Raj's company. We were talking, watching TV, talking, watching more TV, drinking, talking, drinking, watching TV, drinking, drinking, drinking, and then we went to be... nothing. That's all. That's what we did. So, I don't remember seeing, hearing anything. All I remember is TV, glass, Raj and be.... nothing. That's all.
Shah -- Okay, let us now hear from Shri Vengsarkar.
DV -- See, we were looking to play youngsters, but they did not perform. So we had to fall back to the old horses. You know? Tried and tested. What can we do?
Shah -- But tell you why do you think we failed?
DV -- It's the youngters. They did not perform? Uthappa, Dhoni, Bhajji, Veeru. They all flopped. See, I never flopped like them. Ever. I was known for my consistency. Even though I used to score only 35-40 runs, but still, I guaranteed those runs. That's what I told Sourav also, when I brought him back. I said, I told him, I said, you HAVE to score at least 50 runs. And see? That's what he did. He scored at least 50 runs in most of the games. Neither a 100, nor a 25-30. It was always a half-century. So, I feel he did his job. See, Sachin's job was to groom youngsters. Right? So he gave them MORE responsibility by getting out early. He gave them more chance to play. That is what team required from him. To groom youngsters. That is what he did. Or tried to do. Now if the youngsters failed, what can the seniors do. Right? I mean, how can you expect Sourav to score always? Ridiculous. Dravid has so many reponsibilities. He will fail once in a while. That's okay too. But what excuse Uthappa, Dhoni, Bhajji, Veeru have? We lost Bangladesh only because of youngsters. I say fire them. I am ready to play again. I will guarantee 35 runs. Here is my team for next Cup: Sunny, Srikanth, Vishy, Myself, Patil, More, Kapil, Manoj, Chetan, Bedi, Prasanna. On the bench: Kirmani, Venkat, Binny, Chetan.
Shah -- This is getting difficult. We have find out the reason. Shri Chappell say it is seniors. Shri Inzy says it is the physio, Shri Jagdale doesn't remember anything. Shri Vengsarkar is recommending his own team. (then he turns to TV and addresses Pawar via Teleconference) Shri Pawar, good morning sir.
SP -- Hhmmm....
Shah -- Sir, what to do now? We don't exactly know what happened? All four are saying different things.
SP -- Let me think.
15 minutes pass
Shah -- Sir?
SP -- What?
Shah -- What have you thought?
SP -- I am still thinking.
Shah -- Okay sir. We will wait. (addressing others in room) Shri Pawar is still thinking. We will have to wait.
GC -- What the *beep*? How much time does that old *beeper* needs? Is he awake or sleeping?
Inzy -- Iz, I in a hurry. Iz, I wife iz to a wait. Iz a take to her nail-cutting.
SJ -- Actually, Raj is waiting for me in the parking. We were supposed to have lunch together.
DV -- Yes, please hurry. I have to start negotiations with Sunny, Kapil etc. I have to know what percent they are ready to give me from their Ad revenue, if I select them.
Another 15 minutes pass.
Shah -- Sir? Are you there?
SP's secretary -- Who is it?
Shah - This is Niranjan. Can I talk to Shri Pawar?
Secy -- He is sleeping. Please call tomorrow.
Shah -- Okay. Dhanyawaad. (addressing people) So, I think we will have to assemble here tomorrow to find out what Shri Pawar is thinking. Looks like he slept while thinking.
GC -- What the *beep*. Are you sure he is not in a coma?
Inzy -- Iz, can I iz a leave to wife?
SJ -- Oh good. Now I can have my lunch with Raj. Than we will go to a hot... nothing. Nothing.
DV -- O great. (dialing) Hello? Sunny? Wait let me put you on conference with Kapil. Then we can decide the percentage and everything.... Okay?..... hold on....
With that everyone disperses. We will be back tomorrow to know what Shri Pawar decides. Til then....
AuthorTopic: BCCI Meeting -- Day 1 Transcript (Read 314 times)
March 28, 2006, 04:58:38 PM