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[suraj]

THERE are a few England players who must privately be starting to think that Damien Martyn has made the right call by fleeing the country in favour of an island paradise.

Poor old Ashley Giles has been having such a bad time of it in Australia, he must be longing to walk in the door of his modest, Droitwich Spa home, throw down the kit and head straight out for one of the village's famous brine baths.

The spinner paints a terrible picture of the Ashes tour in his diary published in the Sunday Independent. He is so bored he's been to see Borat twice, he's going so badly even English fans are ringing him with abuse and he was so ill-prepared for the series that being picked for the first Test caused him "mixed emotions".

Giles even says he had a premonition of the team's calamitous collapse on day five in Adelaide. To make matters worse, he finds the Australian fans are better sledgers than the players - and reveals the only local he has taken a shine to is Kylie Minogue.

Giles has even turned to drinking to get him through, declaring: "You drink to celebrate and drink to forget."

Giles is one of a few England players on tour who is not married or travelling with a girlfriend and can often be found stalking the streets alone.

He says the locals started to attack early, with somebody in the crowd at the Prime Minister's XI match in Canberra yelling: "Giles you ******, enjoy your last bowl on tour."

The local fan was wrong, but Giles, who admits to being underprepared after a recent hip operation, reveals he was not overjoyed to find he would be called up to bowl in the first Test.

"Mixed emotions as I return to my room after the meeting," he wrote. "Joy at being picked again, but playing here in this game is quite daunting. Get to sleep OK, but wake up every hour and each time it's cricket. 'Am I ready?' What's going to happen?"'

At least there is some relief when he bats, Giles revealing the Australians did not sledge him in Brisbane. Still there is some ill-feeling in the middle.

"We have copped quite a lot of **** from them in the game," he writes. "Because of this, it would be easy for us to say: 'Sod that, we're not going for a drink'. But we do, and I'm glad. I chat with (Glenn) McGrath, Brett Lee and Michael Hussey for an hour which is pleasant. Underneath, they are a good bunch."

The day after the first Test loss, Giles reveals he went out in the afternoon with the intention of getting drunk. "After five days of pressure, worry and not sleeping you just go out and get wasted."

After a few more Adelaide reds he finds himself still in the squad, and things go from bad to worse.

Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood bat England into a good position and the bowlers back them up, but then came Giles' expensive fielding mishap.

"Ponting hits the ball at me and I see it all the way. There are no excuses - I catch those," he writes.

He drops it and the sledging from the stands starts again. Someone suggests he has dropped the Ashes and every time Ponting passes a milestone he is sarcastically congratulated.

"********," he writes. "It's a nightmare but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Everyone drops catches, but this one has cost us 100 runs.

"The crowd are terrible but I am a firm believer that if you come through a tour like this with your marbles intact you've done well. If you and the team have success, then brilliant. Touring here is a true test of character."

On day five in Adelaide he wakes early thinking this day might not run as smoothly as he would like. It didn't and when he is thrown the ball in an attempt to match Warne's earlier efforts he knows he is not up to the job.

"I find it difficult to bowl at Michael Hussey. I want to change my pace and throw the ball in the rough but I am never going to spin the ball like Warne, even though it feels as though I have to," he writes.

"It's unfair. The bloke is a freak. In my eyes he is the best cricketer that has ever played the game, and there's little old me from Surrey with 140 Test wickets being compared to the greatest spinner of all time."

[Shukla]

You gotta feel for Giles, the person. It does take the ability to laugh at yourself when you endorse your nickname 'the king of spain'. The guy has been perenially mocked, enough to shatter anyone's confidence, and yet he continues in his own self-deprecating way.

[Libran]

THERE are a few England players who must privately be starting to think that Damien Martyn has made the right call by fleeing the country in favour of an island paradise.

Poor old Ashley Giles has been having such a bad time of it in Australia, he must be longing to walk in the door of his modest, Droitwich Spa home, throw down the kit and head straight out for one of the village's famous brine baths.

The spinner paints a terrible picture of the Ashes tour in his diary published in the Sunday Independent. He is so bored he's been to see Borat twice, he's going so badly even English fans are ringing him with abuse and he was so ill-prepared for the series that being picked for the first Test caused him "mixed emotions".

Giles even says he had a premonition of the team's calamitous collapse on day five in Adelaide. To make matters worse, he finds the Australian fans are better sledgers than the players - and reveals the only local he has taken a shine to is Kylie Minogue.

Giles has even turned to drinking to get him through, declaring: "You drink to celebrate and drink to forget."

Giles is one of a few England players on tour who is not married or travelling with a girlfriend and can often be found stalking the streets alone.

He says the locals started to attack early, with somebody in the crowd at the Prime Minister's XI match in Canberra yelling: "Giles you ******, enjoy your last bowl on tour."

The local fan was wrong, but Giles, who admits to being underprepared after a recent hip operation, reveals he was not overjoyed to find he would be called up to bowl in the first Test.

"Mixed emotions as I return to my room after the meeting," he wrote. "Joy at being picked again, but playing here in this game is quite daunting. Get to sleep OK, but wake up every hour and each time it's cricket. 'Am I ready?' What's going to happen?"'

At least there is some relief when he bats, Giles revealing the Australians did not sledge him in Brisbane. Still there is some ill-feeling in the middle.

"We have copped quite a lot of **** from them in the game," he writes. "Because of this, it would be easy for us to say: 'Sod that, we're not going for a drink'. But we do, and I'm glad. I chat with (Glenn) McGrath, Brett Lee and Michael Hussey for an hour which is pleasant. Underneath, they are a good bunch."

The day after the first Test loss, Giles reveals he went out in the afternoon with the intention of getting drunk. "After five days of pressure, worry and not sleeping you just go out and get wasted."

After a few more Adelaide reds he finds himself still in the squad, and things go from bad to worse.

Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood bat England into a good position and the bowlers back them up, but then came Giles' expensive fielding mishap.

"Ponting hits the ball at me and I see it all the way. There are no excuses - I catch those," he writes.

He drops it and the sledging from the stands starts again. Someone suggests he has dropped the Ashes and every time Ponting passes a milestone he is sarcastically congratulated.

"********," he writes. "It's a nightmare but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Everyone drops catches, but this one has cost us 100 runs.

"The crowd are terrible but I am a firm believer that if you come through a tour like this with your marbles intact you've done well. If you and the team have success, then brilliant. Touring here is a true test of character."

On day five in Adelaide he wakes early thinking this day might not run as smoothly as he would like. It didn't and when he is thrown the ball in an attempt to match Warne's earlier efforts he knows he is not up to the job.

"I find it difficult to bowl at Michael Hussey. I want to change my pace and throw the ball in the rough but I am never going to spin the ball like Warne, even though it feels as though I have to," he writes.

"It's unfair. The bloke is a freak. In my eyes he is the best cricketer that has ever played the game, and there's little old me from Surrey with 140 Test wickets being compared to the greatest spinner of all time."

Confidence moving from Nil to negative.....now on a self pity mode