Print

Please post once and this message will disappear! Introduce yourself, say hello, jump into a discussion...

[back2grave]

Things I've Learned From Movie
 
 
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
 
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
 
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
 
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
 
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
 
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language . A German accent will do.
 
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
 
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
 
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
 
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
 
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
 
12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
 
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
 
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
 
15. All single women have a cat.
 
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
 
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
 
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
 
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
 
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
 
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
 
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
 
23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
 
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
 
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
 
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
 
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
 
28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
 
29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
 
30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
 
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

[Sahir]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!---- Very funny!  There needs to be one made specifically for Bollywood, although many of these would apply ten fold in Bollywood.

[sgusa]

http://www.videouniversity.com/movhumor.htm



During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

Most dogs are immortal.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out all of them.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

[CLR James]

Very funny back2, sgusa. Applauses to both of you.

[keep-it-cool]

Boy, i miss those Mithun and Rajnikanth movies

[pieterSAN]

The protagonist is always a polymath - sings, plays 6 different instruments (occasionaly at the same time), dances like Baryshnikov, is a brilliant businessman (rags to riches) and has perfected the art of Jeet Kune Do.

The son of the murder victim will find clues to the identity of their killer that crack FBI agents overlook.

The main character always has a black friend and who acts cool.

Serial Killers only kill beautiful young women with big breasts.

Beautiful young women with big breasts invariably sleep with Serial Killers.

The most popular girl in high school dreams about getting it on with the biggest geek in school.

It takes one man and dog to save the world from [Insert your choice of global disaster natural or man-made]

[arjun]

 
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
 

 
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
 

I have often wondered why!

[Sahir]

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

I have often wondered why!

That's right!  Everyone knows it ought to be the other way round.