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[MockTurtle]

Mockaniji... Awesome! Real fun thread. Damn it I will be forced to actually click the applaud button!

please don't. i like the current world order and in general, hate drastic changes. what if i too turn nice? it will be total chaos and mandrake's mirror world all over again! heck, i will grit my teeth and applaud everyone anyway. and yeah, thanks to everyone for the kind words and applauds - *phew*

[k-slice]

more people varied replies

Several people have several different answers...
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson
consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road,you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with the chicken.

[achutank]

cool dude. very major applause. real loud KS. outdone all the posts here man. the nixon one was a killer. 

[k-slice]

thanks achutank
but i did not write/make those up.
i had them sitting around on my computer and posted them
i repeat i DID NOT write them!
thanks for the applause anyways!

[Libran]

Greg Chappell : So that it could become a butter chicken

[achutank]

Greg Chappell : So that it could become a butter chicken

hoo hoo haaa haaa

[k-slice]

more answers:

GEORGE W. BUSH:

That's a very interesting question.

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.


HARRY BROWNE:

The chicken was merely exercising it's right to pursue a better future for itself. All chickens have the right to freely emigrate across roads.


RALPH NADER:

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.


PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.


RUSH LIMBAUGH:

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.


JOHN ASHCROFT:

We have no comment on the motive of the chicken. We are holding the chicken as a material witness.


INGRID NEWKIRK:

What business is it of yours why the chicken crossed the road? The chicken had every right to cross the road, more right than you have, since the chicken never murdered or enslaved another animal for its own pleasure.


MARTHA STEWART:

If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I would be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I am a private person and should not have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common chickens.


JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."


DR. SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes! The chicken crossed the road,

But why it crossed, I've not been told!


GRANDPA:

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.


BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.


JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.


VOLTAIRE:

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?


BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

[keep-it-cool]

Maneka *hi - The chicken crossed the road? When did it cross? Did any vehicle jump the red light while it was crossing? If yes, find the driver and get him arrested for threatening bodily harm to the chicken. And, I am going to move for this thread to be cut and locked away ... how can people have their fun at the expense of a poor chicken?

[keep-it-cool]

Vajpayee:

Chicken ne ............................................................................. road cross kiya ............................................................................................... yeh achchi baat nahi hai

[Libran]

Vajpayee:

Chicken ne ............................................................................. road cross kiya ............................................................................................... yeh achchi baat nahi hai

Goooood One !! 

[achutank]

kic thats funny i was abt to post one abt a PM too:


manmohan singh: "Hello! Madam why did the chicken cross the road?"

[OldPal]

kic thats funny i was abt to post one abt a PM too:


manmohan singh: "Hello! Madam why did the chicken cross the road?"

[arjun]

Ariel Sharon : The chicken crossed the road? How dare it? BOMB IT, NOW!

[keep-it-cool]

kic thats funny i was abt to post one abt a PM too:


manmohan singh: "Hello! Madam why did the chicken cross the road?"

LOL

And Madam replies: It listened to its inner voice!

[Libran]

kic thats funny i was abt to post one abt a PM too:


manmohan singh: "Hello! Madam why did the chicken cross the road?"

LOL

And Madam replies: It listened to its inner voice!

You have done it yet again kic...applause....from Vajpayee to the Madam....you have come a long way

[achutank]

kic neat. applause in my view point. don't kno about your viewpoint about the same though.

[ruchir]

Vajpayee's poem on the chicken who crossed the road:

Vajpayee: Main chaar panktiyan aapke samaksh padhh rahaa hoon, jo maine us cicken par likhee hain jisne abhi-abhi traffic ke saare niyamo ka ullanghan karte hue sadak cross kar li.

Ik desh nayaa bananaa hai,
us chicken ko hame samjhanaa hai.
Subah ki nikali dhoop ne jab,
chicken ke badan par aalingan kiya,
neend se usay jagaa kar,
sadak ke paar chalne ko protsaahit kiya.
Us dhoop ko hame hatanaa hai,
Ik desh nayaa bananaa hai.......

Fish curry main chhod chuka hoon,
chicken curry mann ko bhaati hai.
Pet mein kshudaa jab jaltee hai,
koi aur sabzi samajh mein nahin aati hai.
Ab aur vilammb na karo saathi,
us chicken ko dhoond ke lanaa hai,
Wohi chicken ki curry bananaa hai,
Ik desh nayaa bananaa hai.......

US dekha, Italy dekha, dekha maine saraa jag,
hai kewal mera bharat mahaan jahan ghoomte hain chicken har pag-pag.
Nithallay nahin baithhtay hain ye,
rahte hain sadaa vicharte.
Pairon mein hai jo inke chakkar,
vo chakkar band karanaa hai,
mujhe chicken curry hi khanaa hai,
us chicken ko hame samjhanaa hai,
Ik desh nayaa bananaa hai.......

[Cover Point]

please don't. i like the current world order and in general, hate drastic changes. what if i too turn nice? it will be total chaos and mandrake's mirror world all over again! heck, i will grit my teeth and applaud everyone anyway. and yeah, thanks to everyone for the kind words and applauds - *phew*

Oh my God I did detect a smile! Whats this world coming to ? Cant rely on anything. Me applauding people. Mock smiling. Gotta do something to make things better. Ok *phew* I just made a nasty comment to K-Sslice on the "jokes" thread. Feel much better now

[MockTurtle]

please don't. i like the current world order and in general, hate drastic changes. what if i too turn nice? it will be total chaos and mandrake's mirror world all over again! heck, i will grit my teeth and applaud everyone anyway. and yeah, thanks to everyone for the kind words and applauds - *phew*

Oh my God I did detect a smile! Whats this world coming to ? Cant rely on anything. Me applauding people. Mock smiling. Gotta do something to make things better. Ok *phew* I just made a nasty comment to K-Sslice on the "jokes" thread. Feel much better now

it's all normal, CP. if you recall, i don't like to smile at strangers. at a friend and even more at a marked foe, i am happy to grin ear to ear. 

[Aloo Kashmiri Ul Haq]

jacques chirac: "if that chicken crosses the road and into a french restaurant it's going to be a beauty, if it crosses into an english restaurant it's already *"

[flute202020]

SG: not sure of the chicken, but I made 15000 intl runs.

[prfsr]

Ok friends stop bickering; Ann Coulter is on Fox as I write this.

Incidentally there is some nasty discussion on the Internet about Ann Coulter's very prominent Adam's Apple, and, having read it, the Adam's Apple is all I see  Kban, are you aware of the theories?

Meanwhile Alan Colmes of all people actually takes a few good shots at her.

So we finally know why the chicken crossed the road - it saw Ann Coulter coming at it saying "Republicans are hawks, democrats are chicken"!

-P   

[ruchir]

"Republicans are hawks, democrats are chicken"

...... and I am the Independent who will shoot down the hawk, and enjoy the chicken curry with Vajpayee.... 

[MockTurtle]

all right, this thread has veered away from mild, good-natured humour aimed at fellow DG denizens to people bashing. it has started with SG fan bashing and will soon progress to GC fan bashing and general mayhem will happen.

keeping in mind the past history of this DG, i am locking this thread and moderators, please spilt the thread and put the comments starting with the one on SG fans into a separate thread where people can continue their anti-SG, anti-GC  comments till all the chickens cross the road.

thanks,
MT

[kban1]

Thread split per request

[MockTurtle]

Thread split per request

unlocking per CP's request..and thanks, kban!

[Cover Point]

thanks MockaniJi for unlocking this thread. I will delete the other thread and move this one post here.

-------------------As the chicken (GC) was crossing the road he runs into the Turtle (SG) coming from the opposite direction

Chicken: <scowling> how can you ever cross the road without having a proper process in place and without being a good animal being.
Turtle: I have 15000 runs. And I dont follow no process.
Chicken: without a process, other good animal beings would throw short pitched Pebbles to you.
Turtle: I dont have a problem with short pitched Pebbles.
Chicken: You are too slow. And you poison the other animals and the atmosphere with your shell. And in anyway you are just crossing the road to get all the Rasgullahs!
Turtle: I am Prince. Jaggu Da already gave me a lot of Rasgullahs. I just want to cross because I have 15000  runs

...

Harsha the Hare is holding a post match interview with the Turtle.
Turtle: I wont name any names but I have been asked to desist from road crossings.
Hare: You have? By whom?
Turtle <pointing to the Chicken> : Professionalism forbids me from naming any names!

to be continued <by someone else>

----------------------------
Hoping Mockaniji would keep her promise and continue this story after her Z's are over

[MockTurtle]

thanks MockaniJi for unlocking this thread. I will delete the other thread and move this one post here.

-------------------As the chicken (GC) was crossing the road he runs into the Turtle (SG) coming from the opposite direction

Chicken: <scowling> how can you ever cross the road without having a proper process in place and without being a good animal being.
Turtle: I have 15000 runs. And I dont follow no process.
Chicken: without a process, other good animal beings would throw short pitched Pebbles to you.
Turtle: I dont have a problem with short pitched Pebbles.
Chicken: You are too slow. And you poison the other animals and the atmosphere with your shell. And in anyway you are just crossing the road to get all the Rasgullahs!
Turtle: I am Prince. Jaggu Da already gave me a lot of Rasgullahs. I just want to cross because I have 15000  runs

...

Harsha the Hare is holding a post match interview with the Turtle.
Turtle: I wont name any names but I have been asked to desist from road crossings.
Hare: You have? By whom?
Turtle <pointing to the Chicken> : Professionalism forbids me from naming any names!

to be continued <by someone else>

----------------------------
Hoping Mockaniji would keep her promise and continue this story after her Z's are over

no promises, but in any case, why is this highly imaginative piece of fiction here on this thread? this thread, as you can see, is only about chicken crossings and not about elaborate details on inter-creature interaction. it deserves its own thread possibly titled "Truth? That's for wimps" or "CP's warped view of the world" or a tame "Aesop's modern day fables"! 

an example of a chicken crossing punchline involving the turtle (of, course, using the chicken and the turtle from your fictional piece) could be the following:

why did the chicken cross the road?
innocent bystander: why wouldn't it? it followed the established process of getting the initial thrust by using the turtle for a ride and then when the goal was crossed, kicked the turtle on its underbelly.

as an aside, question to all those who expressed surprise at my not getting the "joke" about SG fans posted here earlier. is this above story from CP also one such joke that will not lead to any deterioration of the thread? or am i to see a dignified silence from you all on this?

[fineleg]

Mock,
I think i am one of the folks to which ur asking this question:
is this above story from CP also one such joke that will not lead to any deterioration of the thread?

Answer: I am no longer sure whether I can predict what causes degeneration of a thread in the DG or not.
To me, as long as there is no personal abuse, I either get the joke and enjoy it, or more often than not, conveniently I never get the joke (UCV curriculum has not helped a lot). In either case, sometimes I ignore things as long as folks dont directly abuse me or my family.

All I can say is people have varying levels of being able to withstand banter.
If I was the butt of the above joke by CP - I will probably try to come up with a counter joke - the same way you have done above. I don't see that as a personal abuse on me or my group of fan members (if i was the butt of above joke). This by itself is not a case for degeneration of thread - but there are so many folks here with varying sensitivity levels, that I think my answer does not serve much purpose by itself.

I was asked a question, to which I have answered based on what I feel. Trust u folks dont get hurt by all this. As I said, I am kind of feeling unsure abt many things in this DG now...too many things are being taken personally - people have "known" the cyber personality of many folks here for a long time, yet small incidents are causing too many rifts. Frankly, I feel sad that a RD, or a SG or a GC can cause animosity amongst dg-ians living in many different countries and cities and united by the passion for cricket.

If I have caused grief to any DG-members in this thread or other threads, please excuse me for that. I dont harbor any ill feeling and am just happy to be part of this group. That's all.

[dhruvdeepak]

To me, as long as there is no personal abuse, I either get the joke and enjoy it, or more often than not, conveniently I never get the joke (UCV curriculum has not helped a lot).

yeah blame the curriculum! go study first then blame others for your pathetic grades.

[sgusa]

To me, as long as there is no personal abuse, I either get the joke and enjoy it, or more often than not, conveniently I never get the joke (UCV curriculum has not helped a lot).

yeah blame the curriculum! go study first then blame others for your pathetic grades.

Aarrgggghhhhhhh!! All the suppresed memories of mom & dad scolding me are flooding back to me. Noooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!

[Cover Point]

Mockaniji, you found even this posting offensive? <shakes his head> Wasnt there as much making fun of Chicken (GC) as the turtle (SG)? Dare I say you are acting like a girld and being over sensitive 

why did the chicken cross the road?
innocent bystander: why wouldn't it? it followed the established process of getting the initial thrust by using the turtle for a ride and then when the goal was crossed, kicked the turtle on its underbelly.

Now this one was funny! I can see the comedy in this one.... why cant you do the same back ?

[MockTurtle]

Mockaniji, you found even this posting offensive? <shakes his head> Wasnt there as much making fun of Chicken (GC) as the turtle (SG)? Dare I say you are acting like a girld and being over sensitive 

me? am not offended at all (i didn't lock the thread, did i?). just wondered if it fits in this thread or warrants a separate thread. GC-SG potshots can be endless, as you very well know. regarding your remark about "girl", well, i am one and so why do i need to "act like one"? (tho it may be more appropriate to use the word "women" - again, i don't mind but some may)

why did the chicken cross the road?
innocent bystander: why wouldn't it? it followed the established process of getting the initial thrust by using the turtle for a ride and then when the goal was crossed, kicked the turtle on its underbelly.

Now this one was funny! I can see the comedy in this one.... why cant you do the same back ?

i see only comedy in your posts all the time, CP :-)

ps: my note about the "joke" was directed at some others based on some of the threads i read earlier today.
in any case, i think it is time for the chickens to roost and maybe i will start a new thread on turtles and hares and wombats.

[keep-it-cool]

hello hello .. what happened here???

[sgusa]

why dont we just stick to the darn road crossing chickens??