Brazil 0 - 1 France
Henry 57
Scott Murray
Saturday July 1, 2006
Thierry Henry looking supercool in his Renault FULL TIME: Brazil 0 - 1 France That's it. The champions are out. France, who quite frankly looked hopeless during the group stages, have been truly magnificent since. They were pretty special against Spain the other night, but this performance has been something else. They made Brazil look very ordinary indeed. I mean, Brazil are very ordinary indeed, but you know what I mean.
90 min +2: Ronaldo tries to press forward, but Vieira nicks the ball off him and scoots away to safety, wasting time up the other end of the pitch. This looks all over. "So if Brazil go out in regulation, that means England were better, right?" asks Andrew Kupfer. No.
90 min: Drama at both ends: Zidane nearly sets Govou free, but Dida smothers. Then Barthez fumbles a Ronaldo shot; Ze Roberto can't quite convert the rebound. Nor can he get the ball on target seconds later, as he shanks a shot right across the face of goal.
88 min: Ronaldo was "fouled" by Thuram, right on the edge of the area. He was hardly touched, but fell over like a fat sod nonetheless. Miguel Batista is some pundit alright, because Ronaldinho takes the resulting free kick - from a very promising position - and hoists it uselessly over the bar.
86 min: Barthez flaps at a corner. It falls to Lucio, at the right-hand edge of the box; his volley is blistering, but well over the bar. “Now that the over-hyped Ronaldinho has been absolutely rubbish in the entire World Cup as well as the Champions League final, thus shrinking continuously in the big stage," writes Miguel Batista, "could he be dubbed the New Old Thierry Henry?”
85 min: Henry, who has (finally) been excellent for France, takes his leave to great applause and is replaced by Saha.
84 min: Ronaldo tries a shot from 30 yards. It rolls along the ground at speeds approaching 1mph before apologetically limping over the deadball line. Brazil are doing NOTHING. Plenty of credit to France for this, but still. “French TV just showed Frank Ribery's family (and a scary lot they looked) making rude gestures at the French bench as he was subbed,” reports Sam Herbert. “That’s much better than our mewling Wag brigade. Fat lot of good they did today!”
82 min: Murray's Excellent Accidental Analysis (no 1 in a series of 1) "I just noticed you have mentioned Ronaldinho twice," writes Bill Ceccotti. "Once in the lineup. The other when you described his headband."
80 min: The ball drops to Robinho in the box, eight yards out. His snap shot is so wide and wild it's barely worth describing, so I won't. Malouda is replaced by Wiltord.
78 min: A Brazilian starts to run about a little bit: Ze Roberto presses down the left, but Thuram puts a stop to his gallop. Parreira meanwhile takes his last throw of the dice: Robinho replaces Kaka.
76 min: Cicinho comes on for Cafu. Govou replaces Ribery.
74 min: Brazil are passing it around with absolutely no urgency at all. Cafu swings a ball into the box, which Sagnol and Thuram make a real meal of clearing. As the French defenders bump into each other, do any Brazilians close in to take advantage? No, they're all standing around dreaming of burgers and goodtime girls. “In the same minute-by-minute you harshed Beau Giles’ buzz, Hannah Pok was taking an exam,” recalls Dave McMahon. “Did she ever let you know how she got on?” No, but I’d like to think she passed and got herself a life, meaning she never had to read another of these match reports ever again. Never mind recall ones from four years back.
72 min: Henry takes a potshot from 30-plus yards. It's on target and going some, but Dida gathers without too much concern. Brazil need to get going and quickly.
70 min: Great play by Henry, who flies down the right and slips the ball across to Ribery, who is one-on-one with Dida. The keeper comes out to block. France are playing really well here.
68 min: Brazil are enjoying a bit more of the ball, but have yet to do much with it, so nothing to report here. But according to Rob Moline, Andy Murray is leading Roddick 7-6 on ESPN's live coverage.
66 min: Brazil, who are fast becoming a great advert for adidas, fling the ball into the box, but aimlessly. Barthez manages to gather without too much drama.
64 min: BEAU GILES HAS REGAINED HIS BUZZ "It's thanks to Thierry Henry, dude. You can't harsh this."
62 min: Brazil substitution. Juninho is replaced by Oaf, who, given my earlier comments about Henry, is nailed on to score. "If only Lampard had been on the end of that free kick, unmarked at the far post," whines James Denvir. "Then it would still be 0-0."
61 min This should have been 2-0: Ribery flies down the left and into the box: his low cross would have been met by Henry or Zidane, but Juan deflects it away for a corner, though he nearly slices it into his own net. Brazil are not good.
60 min Brazil are currently running round as cluelessly as a certain side I should probably not mention while feelings are still raw. Oh alright then. “It could have been worse for England,” writes a sympathetic Tico Arregui. “They could actually have won their match and then gone on to take a real beating at the hands of Brazil, France, Italy or Germany.”
57 min:
THIERRY REGAINS HIS SUPERCOOL It's 1-0 to France. Zidane, 35 yards out far left, swings in a deep cross which eludes the assorted pieces of furniture masquerading as the Brazilian back line. Henry is alone at the back post, and he volleys the dipping ball hard and high past Dida and into the net. Great goal, terrible defending. And that's Zizou's first-ever assist for Henry.
54 min: Vieira flicks a long ball onto Henry, who fires home. Sadly, he's about six yards offside. France are beginning to look dangerous. Well, a bit dangerous, but at least it's a damn sight more than Brazil.
52 min: So unlucky for France: Sagnol swings a lovely ball into the box, Henry traps, then backheels it into the path of Vieira... who is denied at the death by Juan. The first aesthetically pleasing moment of the game. “Why do ITV’s commentators and pundits try to hoodwink us into thinking this is a good match, despite the evidence of our very eyes telling us it’s dirge?” asks Marcus Benasson. “How stupid does ITV think we are?” They employ Terry Venables. And Peter Drury. And commission Kasabian to play their instruments. Pretty bloody stupid, I’m saying.
50 min: Entry to fill the time of day. A great run from Henry down the left ends in naught.
48 min: The Yankees are still being beaten by the Mets 8-2 in the bottom of the 7th inning.
47 min: Barthez punches away a simple cross, then seconds later spills another easy cross before finally getting the ball under control. At least someone's trying to jazz things up.
And we're off again! France immediately win a free kick out right which Henry, the poor man's Rivaldo who has done nothing in a France shirt ever, heads wide from three yards out. Big chance, that. "The Giants lead the Padres 2-0 in sunny San Diego," writes Beau Giles, whose "buzz", if I'm not mistaken, I "harshed" during the last World Cup.
HALF TIME: Brazil 0 - 0 France. France "enjoyed" the "better" of that, but really, I've nothing to add here. How are the Mets doing, I wonder?
45 min: ...right on the edge of the area. Henry and Zidane stand over it. Brazil refuse to retreat ten yards. Finally Zidane takes the kick; it clanks off the wall and about the area awhile.
44 min: Zidane sends Vieira bombing free down the middle with only Juan in attendance. Vieira's brought down... but Juan escapes a red because Roberto Carlos was waddling across at high speed, no doubt causing much chafeing of inner thigh. The yellow means he'll miss the semi, should this hopeless Brazil side get there. Zidane's free kick is handled by Ronaldo: yellow! And another free-kick, which is...
42 min: Malouda is shining amid the dross: he swaggers down his wing, cuts inside and is unluckly not to skin Cafu; a last-ditch challenge denies him a shooting opportunity. Bah.
41 min: According to Dermot O'Brien, the New York Mets are up 8-2 over the Yankees in the sixth inning.
40 min: Brazil are dreadful.
38 min: SOMETHING SORT OF HAPPENS!!! Zidane swings in a free kick which Malouda heads well over. Now then, that's "better".
35 min: Malouda is currently the only player on the park making any sort of positive statement, and even he can barely run 10 yards without losing the ball. "Dunno what Tarek from Canada is complaining about," complains Dr Boggis. "Hargreaves had an excellent game. He was man of the match for me, and maybe him being the only penalty scorer will shut a few people up for a change." On the subject of that match: a team plays 120 minutes of witless garbage producing a grand total of zero chances, then follows it up with a clueless succession of technique-free penalties. People were quick enough to laugh at Switzerland, you know.
32 min: Actually, this match - and World Cup - is really low on quality. Here, I've just noticed that Ronaldinho is wearing a preposterous headband with an R on it. Has it come to this? Yes. I've nothing else to write about.
28 min: Makelele feeds Malouda down the left. It's another deep cross which Roberto Carlos, the defensive dining-room table and four chairs, bundles artlessly out for a corner. From it, Gallas tries a diving header which is easily cleared.
26 min: Zidane takes a free kick which is 20-odd yards out. It's pretty awful. WHERE'S MY VAGUELY MEMORABLE CLASSIC?
24 min: Cafu The Defensive 32" Television Set is booked for pulling Malouda's shirt.
22 min: WHAT A DAY FOR ANDY MURRAY First England, now he's just beaten Andy Roddick in straight sets at Wimbledon. I would write about the football but Malouda has just tried to run down the left wing controlling the ball using only his shins and face; suddenly the tennis looks far more interesting.
20 min: Lucio The Defensive Wardrobe moves up the pitch, and shimmies past two players a la Rio Ferdinand before giving the ball away a la Rio Ferdinand.
18 min: France enjoy a couple of minutes of solid possession for the first time in the match. Nothing much comes of it. I don't know why I mentioned it really. “Surprise surprise,” screams Tarek from Canada, popping out of an outsized cake. “Fifa name Owen Hargreaves man of the match! Who's next? Juan?”
15 min: It's not really sparking yet, this, but neither is it totally awful. At least it's end to end: Ronaldinho feeds Ronaldo down the right; the low cross just evades Kaka, who comes sliding in. Zidane and Vieira immediately combine to bustle the ball up the other end, though to little end result.
14 min: Ribery shoots from 35 yards; the ball goes 35 yards over.
12 min: Makelele worms his way down the left; Henry takes his deep cross down with his toe, spins and gets in a snapshot on the turn which is half-decent but nevertheless a bit sub-Luca Toni.
10 min: Ronaldo gets on the end of an outswinging free-kick and heads over from six yards. "Seeing as everyone will be too deflated to send any emails or busy saying that England were brave when faced with adversity and pretending that we played a good tournament, you may as well print this one," writes Peter Dillon, taking advantage of me at a low point. "It says Henry is a diver/actor/cheat and I hope France get stuffed." A dictionary definition of nadir, is this entry. From top to bottom.
7 min: Ze Roberto goes on a meandering run through straight through the centre of the field. It's quite impressive until he loses control. Zidane then picks the ball up and sprays a 50-yard ball towards Henry, who is sadly only 30 yards away from him.
5 min: Ronaldo tries to back-heel a volley past Barthez from 12 yards. It doesn't come off. “Shabby World Cup?” splutters Roy Allen, probably the only person on the planet who bothered to waste his time reading the preamble. “This has been a good World Cup, with lots of good football.” Eh? Where? OK, we’ve got 85 minutes to find all of it.
3 min: A free-kick to Brazil is awarded 25 yards out. Roberto Carlos is wisely told to do one; Juninho's kick is deflected over for a corner. Barthez punches clear, and that's that.
2 min: Thuram heads the ball back towards Barthez, unaware that Ronaldo is behind him, dreaming of hamburgers and good-time girls. Luckily for the Frenchman, the striker fails to snap out of his reverie and the ball bounces over his head and away to safety.
And we're off! And nothing's happening yet!
The national anthems The Marseillaise is great as ever. Brazil's quick-step number is equally evocative, bringing to mind military juntas, cities made entirely out of concrete, and people with wide collars performing bad jazz covers of Antonio Carlos Jobim standards... hold on... no, Copacabana beach is what I meant.
"I am not a woman." Has a man ever lost his mystique as quickly as Thierry Henry? He let his face get all red and hot after the Champions League final, unleashing a torrent of rampant bad sportsmanship and casual misogyny, then against Spain revealed himself to be the poor man’s Rivaldo. Poor Thierry: all those years spent cultivating that studied supercool, then it ebbs away in little over a month. Perhaps it’s time to finally deliver in a France shirt.
Referee: Luis Medina Cantalejo (Spain)
France: Barthez, Sagnol, Thuram, Gallas, Abidal, Ribery, Makelele, Vieira, Zidane, Malouda, Henry. Subs: Boumsong, Chimbonda, Coupet, Dhorasoo, Diarra, Givet, Govou, Landreau, Saha, Silvestre, Trezeguet, Wiltord.
Brazil: Dida, Cafu, Lucio, Juan, Carlos, Juninho, Silva, Ze Roberto, Kaka, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo. Subs: Oaf, Cicinho, Cris, Emerson, Fred, Gilberto, Julio Cesar, Luisao, Mineiro, Ricardinho, Robinho, Rogerio.
Ronaldo: one third of the Magic Quartet The teams: Brazil’s famed Magic Quartet, which as far as I can make out only ever had three players in it - they can't have been counting Adriano, surely? - is no more. The penny has finally dropped with Carlos Alberto Parreira that the Inter striker's a club-footed oaf, so Ronaldinho moves into the attack to partner Ronaldo, with Juninho and Gilberto Silva replacing Oaf and Emerson. France meanwhile continue to rely on Zinedine Zidane finding lone striker Thierry Henry with a killer pass. Oh dear.
Ah, Brazil against France: shades of 1958, 1986 and 1998! But sadly, neither side is much cop this time. Brazil have looked half decent going forward, I suppose, but their back line consists of a wardrobe, a sideboard, a 32” television set and a dining-room table and four chairs. They are hopeless. Meantime France have been busy confounding expectations: either they’ve been even worse than everyone thought (the group stage) or have managed to spectacularly stuff a decent team against whom they realistically should have had no hope (Spain). So what to expect here? Another stone-cold classic a la Guadalajara is probably too much to ask, but can the shabby knock-out stages of this quality-lite World Cup please produce something which at least approaches the vaguely memorable?
Guardian Unlimited © Guardian Newspapers Limited 2006
AuthorTopic: Ciao brazil! (Brazil 0 - 1 France) (Read 849 times)
May 02, 2006, 01:34:16 AM