Asterix in Namma Bengalurru
So, we return to another story about these brave Gauls.
A quick look at the protagonists...
Asterix (aka JFK): One of the DG's wittiest members, he leads the DG in all its missions and like all the DGians enjoys a good fight.
Obelix (aka Dex): A giant of a man, he is the DG's main defense (or attack, however you want to see it) against the invaders and is largely responsible for the food/fruits that the DGdom enjoys. He fell into the magic potion (more of that later) when he was a boy and is blessed with infinite strength.
Getafix (aka sgusa): Not only is he a great chef, but he is responsible for making the magic potion (with his blend of secret ingredients) that help the DG hold out against the Cricinfians.
Vitalstatistix (aka kban1): The DG's chief, he is responsible for seeing to the well-being of the DG's members. He intervenes in fights, plans strategies, and is not shy of a long speech or three, especially at the DG's banquets.
Cacofonix (aka fineleg): The DG's resident bard, he is strangely afflicted with pessimism. His poems are ahead of their time (according to him) and are not appreciated as much as they could be.
Panacaea (aka Mock): The heroine of the last story, she has decided to take a break from hubby Tragicomix (aka k-slice) and enjoy another story with the rest of the Roadies.
Ravibinarix (aka Ravi1010): Obelix's cousin from India, the Roadies reside in his village, Namma Bengalurru.
The Roadies, now enjoying their Goscinny and Uderzo-inspired avatars, have found their way to India. All is well in their merry camp - well almost all. Obelix is sulking because he has been forbidden to thump around the locals. Namma Bengalurru is under alert because of recent disturbing events in nearby cities, and so the atmosphere is tense.
Ravibinarix: I tell you, I am sure it is the Romans who are responsible for all this madness. They will not get away with this.
Desiyankix (aka desi yankee): Where is your proof that the Romans did it? Is it not possible that some crazy Kannadigas are responsible? After all, they have committed atrocities in....
Obelix: Desiyankix, are you a Roman in disguise? You are welcome to leave and go join them. I say we go and thump the Romans, now!
Professorix (aka prfsr): I agree with Desiyankix. Until we have proof, there is no reason to go and thump the Romans. War is not the answer.
Obelix: Oh yeah? And just who are you to decide this? Are you the chief of our village? Hmmm?
Vitalstatistix: Calm down, boys. Ravibinarix, you are from around here. What is your view on all this? How do we help?
Ravibinarix: Actually, I have a theory. See, Asterix was in BomBahia when the disaster happened. I have noticed that throughout your Roadies' histories, Asterix is always around whenever something bad happens.
Asterix, normally a feisty character, has been acting strange of late.
Asterix: Huh? Oh, I see. That's an interesting theory...
Getafix: Asterix, are you feeling down for some reason? Maybe I can make some potion for you.
Asterix (takes a while to respond): Who me? Oh, uh no. Just a bit homesick I guess.
Asterix quietly goes and sits on a rock, away from the discussion.
Vitalstatistix: Dont worry, boys. The sky hasnt fallen on our head yet. We should analyze what exactly has happened in BomBahia. Pertaining to the actual data, I have deduced that....
Unhygenix: Now is not the time for lengthy monologues, chief! We have to take action. My fish sales are down. I dont know why, I get them fresh all the way from Lutetia. They arent as fresh as when we were in Armorica, but they're still delicious!
Fulliautomatix (aka DD): Theyre as rotten as your sense of smell you fool. I am opening a university here in Namma Bengalurru. Maybe you should join and learn something.
Unhygenix: MY FISH ARE ROTTEN EH? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO YOU WITH ONE?
A battle ensues. Geriatrix (aka Jaat69) , able as ever, joins in the fun. Vitalstatistix is left on the ground, tapping his fingers impatiently, as his shield bearers have yet again let him down.
Panacaea: Hello, boys. I just came back from my workout. Now I am reallllly hungry. Getafix any ideas?
Getafix: I say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. The local cuisine here is delicious. Ever tried some paneer? It's like cheese, only better!
Meanwhile, Obelix is checking on his friend Asterix.
Obelix: Hey Asterix, is everything okay? Let's go find some boar.
Asterix: Oh...no Obelix. I need to go see the chief about something....
Asterix wanders off, leaving Obelix to exclaim: "These Gauls are crazy! Imagine turning down a juicy boar! What a bore this Asterix has become"
Asterix heads over to Vitalstatistix, still laying on the ground, tapping his fingers and watching the fight. He seems to be evaluating something..."It appears, from my analysis that Geriatrix hasnt said anything untoward as yet. Unhygenix has said a few things, but it is still impossible to ratify who exactly the words are being directed towards. In context, I suspect that..."
Asterix: Uh, chief? I need to talk to you when nobody's looking. Who are you talking to?
Vitalstatistix (visibly embarrassed): I was...preparing a speech for later on. Never mind that. It is time to restrain our friends.
Asterix: Chief, quickly I need to tell you something. I'm not really A....
Asterix suddenly looks around, clearly perturbed by something. He changes his tone: I'm not....feeling well, I'll go home and rest. Bye.
Getafix gets the boys to stop fighting, claiming that it is time for dinner.
Panacaea: Hah! I wouldnt be caught dead eating that frozen cheese thingy. I better cook today...
Getafix: Heh. No wonder Tragicomix is as far away from this story as possible.
Vitalstatistix: Crew, I would like to say a few words. (everyone snickers) There is an emergency in BomBahia, and as new inhabitants we have to do our best to aid the community. I have a plan, but unfortunately Asterix is feeling a bit off, so we do not have anyone to carry out the tasks. does anyone have any suggestions?
Panacaea: We can make some of our Gaulish specialities and send it over to the victims. The cheese available here in Namma Bengalurru is to die for. I suggest we make our own and use it to make a lovely Au Gratin with garlic bread on the side.
Getafix: Yes and I can brew some special uplifting potion to go along with it. But dont you think we should use Llama cheese?
Panacaea: No, as I said, the cow cheese here is almost sacred so we should...
Fulliautomatix: QUIET!!! NO MORE FOOD TALK. Let's be serious here. I suggest we make weapons so that BomBahia can be ready for any further attacks.
Obelix: Who needs weapons, let's just go and thump the Romans. They are behind this.
Cacofonix: I will compose an ode praising the spirit of the BomBahians...it shall be called...
Fulliautomatix and Unhygenix: NO YOU WILL NOT!!!
Cacofonix is duly thumped into the ground. When he comes to, he is extremely angry.
Cacofonix: I've had enough of this! I am done! I am going to remove my threads, from each of my lyres, one by one, and leave forever.
A mild celebration begins to take place.
Vitalstatistix: What right have you to remove the threads of these lyres? The lyres are gifted to our community by the Romans as a part of the peace process. They are the property of everyone in this village as much as you. I commiserate your feelings as your sentiments tend to be hurt often, but it is a perilous line you walk when you hold the property of this community hostage. I warn you, this will be brought up at dinner. Your ransoming our threads will be looked at very seriously.
Ravibinarix: Alright, all. Let us give Cacofonix his due. He is invaluable to an environment like ours. He is able to make the rain-Gods open the skies, by Venkateshwara.
Getafix: Venkateshwara? What in the world is that?
Ravibinarix: Oh, that is the Indian version of Toutatis. Anyway, I say we break for lunch. There is this great restaurant nearby, easily the best in all of the country, and Namma Bengalurru's pride.
Everyone is about to go for lunch, when suddenly they hear a commotion behind Asterix's hut.
Asterix: Hey, it's Asterix!
Another Asterix (aka Sahir) has appeared!
Asterix: I know I'm me! I was abducted by the Romans along with Tragicomix, but we escaped. Tragicomix has gone to reunite with his wife. But who are you?
Fake Asterix (aka JFK): Oh thank God you're free! They threatened to kill you if I revealed who I was. They brought me here and made me pretend to be you, while they tortured you to find out our secrets.
The fake Asterix removes his face-mask to reveal himself as none other than Justforkix, Vitalstatistix's nephew!
Justforkix: Oh uncle, I was trying to get you alone to tell you all day! But they were watching me from just outside the village. Anyway, itz over now! Time for 2 cracks at them!
Vitalstatistix: Just who is this 'they' that has kidnapped a member of my tribe and tried to trick us?
Justforkix, Asterix and Tragicomix say: THE ROMANS.
Obelix, a bull enraged, shouts: CHAARRRGGGEEE. LEAVE THEM ALL TO ME!!
Geriatrix: Dont be greedy! Village seniors first!
After a violent thumping session, during which they beat out a confession to the wreckage in BomBahia, all is well in the village again. Panacaea and Tragicomix are reunited again: I will never leave you again. I may have had women in 27 countries during my travels, but there's nothing that can match the warmth of home.
Ravibinarix: Well this has been a great day. It had to happen in Namma Bengalurru. And I take back my theory of Asterix being linked with disasters everywhere he goes. Our dear Asterix is returned to us, and is a hero worth toasting.
Getafix: I do the toasting around here. Let's pop open a bottle of Brut and cheer the return of Asterix.
We leave our friends to their feasting and toasting, with a parting quote by OldBlightyix (aka Jiet), now drunk, talking to his glass of Brut: Et tu, Brut? Jolly good, then. Brut and I toast to a woonderful episode in our lives. We wallooped those Romans for six, and found our friend Asterix! Cheers!
THE END
this story proudly sponsored by k-slice. Cheers for the runs
AuthorTopic: The Roadies Part 1 (Read 12123 times)
August 10, 2007, 09:58:27 PM