TV Channell Kab-Tak thought of increasing it's TRP ratings and decided to conduct an interview of Chappell and Inzy (back as our captain) together by Srinath. It was telecasted in their program "The Sriway". Here is the text script of that interview....
Sri: Welcome ladies and gents to my very own personal program, created by me and only me, The Sriwaayyyy... Today I have for your persual, an interview with Greg Chappell and our beloved captain Inzy. Okay, now let us kick the interview and start it. Oooohhh I can already feel this will be an interstingly one.
GC: Yeah, okay mate. Why don't you start it already?
Sri: Okay, Chappell, let me get starts with you. Im my last interview, you did not explained any stratagisations that you were doing for WC 2007. Will you discuss them today?
GC: Mate. How many times do I have to tell you, NO means NO. Didn't yo' wife tell you that?
Sri: Uummm.. yeah she did, once, long time ago. Actually after that the need never ariseded, so I forgot. Okay, next question to you Inzy. What are you plannings?
Inzy: Salaam-Walekum. Bismillah-Rehman-Rahim. First of all, iz, thanks to allah. Yeezzz, iz, a plan iz to there. Iz, I am Inzy. I scored a 15000 run. Iz, iz there a plan to not for me. Iz, I not a make plan. Iz, Chappell a make planz with a hiz chappal.
Sri: So, are you saying that you don't intentionise to have any specificationistic plans for yourself for the world cup? You will let Chappell make them for you?
Inzy: Iz, what, you fool? Iz, you a can not a hear in once?
Sri: Okay, okay. So Greg, what kind of plannings are you doing for Inzy?
GC: Mate, what is there to tell? Just f*****g see the ball and f*****g hit it. How many plans can you make for that?
Sri: Okay. By the way, how is "f*****g see the ball" differentiated from simply "see the ball"?
GC: You wanna know that?
Sri: Yes, I do. I want to know the truth.
GC: You wanna know the truth? You wanna know THE TRUTH?? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! The truth is that I'm f*****g sick and tired of your f*****g way of speaking and it f*****g pisses me off.
Sri: Oooooo. You are getting pissed off? You mean you urgently want to hurried it up to the toilet?
GC: (helplessly) Next question, plaease.
Sri: Yes, next question to you, Inzy. You have been getting run-outted a lot of times in recent times. What are you doing about that, keeping the world cup in front of the back of your mind?
Inzy: (Laughs and looks at Chappell, pointing towards Sri) He he he he he... Iz, Chappell sir, iz, he a doing iz better to me? (Then turning to Sri) Yeeezzzz, iz I can a run a lotz. Iz, I ask a Yuvraj call to a Kim. He he he, that a female a sexy. Iz, then a I run a behind of a Kim and a lookz behind at her. Iz, a very a good behind. She a running a front and, iz, I a running behind a look at a behind. Iz, how I do a running practicez.
Sri: What else?
Inzy: Yeezzz, then a Chappell comez to do a ask me to something. Iz, he say to a catch a behind of Kim. Then, iz, a Kim runz a here and where is there. Iz, I behind a Kim and looking behind to her. Iz, I put a hand out to me and a touch her behind. Iz, she a cunning female. Iz, she turnz a here is there and I not a touch herz. Iz, I turn here is there too.
Sri: Oohh. So you are taking Kim's help to increase and energised your stamina and also to improvise your agility. Verryyyy nice idea. How come I was not struck like a lightning by this kind of idealistic ideas when I was playing? Anyways, you enjoystically do your training Inzy.
Sri: Next, Greg, how do you rate Harbhajan Mann's chances in the world cup?
GC: Who Mann? Mate. who are you talking about?
Sri: Harbhajan Singh!!! Who else?
GC: Then say so. Yeah, he will do well. Look, the processes are in place for him. The procedures are defined. All Bhajji has to do is to follow them. I know he will follow them. He is a good listener. More so after I had him brainwashed. You know? Took all the Dada dirt outta his head and fill it with lots and lots of colored hats. (Smiling sinisterly) Actually, I filled his head with only WHITE hats. He he he he he....
Sri: Oh, man. You are simply too much sir. What an infinitely, never-ending, continuous, streaming flow of ideas?? You have a solution for every situationistically possible scenario?
GC: He he.... That's what I'm paid for, mate. How else do you think I had Yuvraj praising me? Took him under my wings, got his brain cleaned up, filled it with lots of Kim movies that I made with her, replaced my face with Yuvraj's and BAAAAMM. Now see how terrific his performance is.
Sri: So, Inzy. Did you also took any kind of conditionalised coaching from Greg?
Inzy: Iz, what to do not to do? Iz, yeezzz, but a not a success!! Iz, he a fix computer to me. Iz, when the computer a come to on and then goez a off. Iz, Chappell give a me to chappal and Ian a triez more to me. 2 time. Iz, 3 time. Iz, then Ian a triez to his head. Iz, a computer comez a on and a Ian, izzzz, he he he he.... Iz, Ian iz a hairz standing onto his a body and he out his eyez.
Sri: Oh my gawd. So, the brainwash didn't work you? And Ian Fraizer washed his brain and his dirty laundry in that computer? Oh, man... What a futuristically developised computer you have, Greg. But why did it fail on Inzy?
GC: Should have thought of it before, mate. Brainwash will work only if your have a brain to wash. With him, there's not much to play with. You know what I'm saying?
Sri: He he he... I get it. What about Sachin?
GC: Nope... too strong.
Sri: Dhoni? Sehwag?
GC: Too much milk in there? Circuit might short out.
Sri: Pathan?
GC: Yeah, I ran on him once. Have to run again to make him think he can bowl fast. Besides, I have to tell him to let that lady fan meet with him. You know? Maybe I can get something outta it.
Sri: Oohh, naughtistically funny boy, you.... And Sreesanth?
GC: Him too. Have to make him think he can slow down once in a while. And use a little less white chalk on his face. You know, this guy is so impressed with me that he paints his face white.
Sri: Kumble?
GC: That brain is too complex even for my computer to play around with. No point wasting time there.
Sri: Kaif? VVS?
GC: Man, they need some major work done. Need to make Kaif think he can bat as well as VVS and need to make VVS think he can field as well as Kaif. Actually, I'm thinking of swapping half of their baring with each other. That might help. Yeah... think I will try that out.
Sri: Inzy, have you writtenised your winning speech for WC 2007, in case you do win?
Inzy: Iz, what to say iz a there? Iz, a praise to the boyzz, they a work hardz, praise to a Chappell and a biggest praise to a me!! Iz, I am Inzy, Iz, I scored a 15000 run. Iz, what to say? Oh, yeezzz, is a lot of a priase to Kim'z behind too. Iz, And a praise to my wife, son, mummy, papa, iz, to my servantz, iz to a dog, parrot. Iz, I think a praise to my cousinz and a auntz.
Sri: And you Greg? Your specifically developed futuristic plans?
GC: Hhhhmmmm... let's see. Gotta make money from the MMS; force Chappell way in all state organisations; get a few diamond necklaces as gifts for my wife, of course players will sponsor those; Oh yes, get Ganguly to come to AUS regularly and coach kids at my academy on how NOT to play as a left-handed batsman; I might also try to replace that fool More when I'm done with coaching Indian team. Yeah... I've got a few plans cut out.
Sri: Veerryyy spectecularly interesting plans, Greg. Keep me in mind too.
GC: But did I not offer you the Entertainment Director job last time?
Sri: Ooopppssss... I forgot. Anyway, thanks Inzy, Greg, to take a time-out out of your increasingly bussistic schedule to come here and talk to me. This is Sri signing off from "The Sriwaaayyyy". See you next times, next weeks, same channell.
AuthorTopic: Chappell interview... (Read 312 times)
March 06, 2006, 01:39:44 AM