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[ruchir]

Dean Jones: Welcome, Inzy. Sorry mate, a bad loss today. What happened after lunch? Why did you loose 7 wickets in one hour?
Inzy: Salaam-walekum. Bismillah Rehman Rahim. First of all, iz, thanks to allah. Iz, yes, we play badly in 4th inning. Iz, all batsman paly foolish shots. I bat very slow, can not score. Iz, more pressure on others and they don't like to take pressure. So, iz, we lost the match.

Jones: But how can you explain the horrible shots played by some Indian players after lunch. No one tried to stick it out and at aleast play for a draw after you and Sachin got out.
Inzy: Yes, boys play very badly. Iz, I like to critisize them. They lost heart and they play all wrong shots. No one is responsible. I think, iz, they feel tired and they like to sit in the room. Ya, iz, Sachin was playing well but, iz, I think he feel pain in shoulder and he can not shoulder the responsibility because of that. Iz, I am very angry with the boyz.

Jones: So where does the team go from here?
Inzy: Iz, that is a good question. I think boyz go to there home now and take some rest.

Jones: (speechless)......No, mate. I mean, what will the team do to improve itself for the WI tour?
Inzy: Iz, yes. We will do something. Iz, I have to talk to Greg and see what he says. I think we need to improve our batting. Iz, we have to work hard. It's hard work. Our batting is hardly working now. Iz, we have to work hard in the nets. I think I will practice with Munaf. Iz, he can bowl to me and I can hit. I don't know what others will do.

Jones: What about ODIs. Sachin is out. Who will come in his place?
Inzy: Iz, I don't know. We will see what Kiran and others think. Chappell will have some ideas. Iz, actually I am tired. I can not think. I don't know. Iz.....Iz.....

Jones: Okay, mate. Take care. Hope the team improves from this point on.
Inzy: Iz.....Yes thank you. And thanks to allah. I want to thank the Mumbai crowd for their support. Iz, they booed Sachin but that's okay. Iz, at least they did not boo me. Iz, I'm happy for that.

[squarecut]

LOL ruchir

[dhruvdeepak]

couldn't have done it better. so ill do something different. inzy will replace dean jones, and he will interview draavid:


Inzi: Ladies and mans, bismillah ur rahman ur rahim, first of all, thanks to God (Allah). Yeeeaaayyyz iz a good match of cirkut, all boyz is work haaard and iz enturtayning play. after match, iz only a one winner, england they iz do a great fight, iz a show a good spirut, and ayz a deserve to victory.
asaalaam o alaikum drayvid.

Dravid: Hey Inzy

Inzi: Yeayyz iz a dispointing loss for the boyz, wut ees thees? iz a fall like card of house after a eat the khana.

Dravid: Yeah, rather bizarre collapse wasnt it. It was actually quite interesting, the boys got out to some irresponsible shots after myself and sachin got out. I think we'll learn a lot from this, though.

Inzi: Yeayz iz a dhoni he is rape pakistan in the pakistan, but here he iz play a not a good shot.

Dravid: yeah dhoni was fantastic in pakistan, but im sure Greg with whip handy will have a few choice words to say to him later on. unfair to blame one person though. we were collectively and comprehensively beaten by a better England team.

Inzi: Yeaayzzz (strokes beard a little bit) aa...iz whut iz a plans for one dayer match?

Dravid: yep, 7 one dayers to come. We've been doing rather well in that format, and we'd like to continue. Our mantra of flexibility will be continued, there are some more youngsters donning the uniforms, it'll be a good contest. Of course, I will make all the decisions on the field.

Inzi: Yeayyy iz you are win all a toss in one dayer match in pakistan. Wut ees a plan if a lose the toss and a bat first of all?

Dravid: Look, we've got an exciting batting lineup, I'm sure we'll be able to put up good totals. With Munaf in the team and RP chomping at the bit, and Harbhajan looking better every day I'm fairly confident we'll be able to defend good totals.

Inzi: Iz a toss this match you are do a bowl first of all. Iz a mistake, no?

Dravid: Yeah, in hindsight maybe we could have batted. That was not the only reason for our loss though. The fielding was atrocious.

Inzi: aaa...yeayyz a, wut ees thees 'atrocious' meaning?

Dravid: If you remember the 5th ODI in Pakistan, and your team's fielding...

Inzi: yeayayayyheheahah, yeayyzz iz a Sami he is a run from ball. iz not in a spirut of cirkut.

Dravid: A small request, Inzi. Would appreciate if you hurry this ceremony up. Yuvi is in a rush to go meet Kim and the team has a bit of work to do this evening before that

Inzi: Ayz a team iz do a Kim together?

Dravid: ---

Inzi: yeayyz iz a intrusting coaching method by a Greg...yeay, Sehwaaag he is eat more aaloo paraanthe than me. Iz a fit for one dayer match?

Dravid: Well i've got you to thank for Sehwag's extra 50 pounds. Rarely has an international cricketer grown man-boobs. The both of your eating contests hasnt helped either of our teams much.
He'll be fit for the one-dayers, and a lot lighter, I daresay. Or dead from exhaustion/starvation.

Inzi: Yeayayahhah iz a good plan to tempt batsman with a food outside a offstump. Iz a not a leave a (home) delivery.
Iz a Mumbai crowd, iz not in a spirit i am think. Iz a do the 'boo' and say a bad word?

Dravid: To be honest we dont worry about a few cat-calls. We're too focussed on the job. We have to play our game, they are free to chant what they like
(Crowd starts chanting "Dravid hai hai! Bring back Sourav!")
If you wouldn't mind, Inzi, could you hand me that bat? I've got to go into the crowd and teach some people a lesson...

Inzi: Yeayyz, thanks to God.
Iz a coach Grayg and a Kiran iz join us for a two word or one.

Greg: G'day.
Kiran (Getting off the phone with Azhar): Yeah don't worry, I will only move forward in the Merc you gifted me, not back.

Inzi: Yeay iz a dispointing performance from boyz?

Greg: Yeah, look, we are going for youngsters to build for the future. There will be a few hard knocks on the way, but we've got to remain flexible and learn from our errors.
Kiran: Sourav will not be in the team till I retire.

Inzi: aaa....iz a not a ask about Sourav. Wut ees a plans for future?

Kiran: I dont know. Why are you eating my head. The team has been selected and we will not look back.

Inzi: But iz a loss in Test match, iz a need some explunaytion...

Kiran: Abhe sun, I dont know why we selected that team and what Greg and Dravid are doing. I am only looking forward to my job, not back.
Greg: Look, we are integrating some new strategies with this team, and we are slowly building up. Kiraaan is doing a fine job in choosing the team I tell him to. You know that song, Inzy? With the psychopath singing? 'Tewww hayy maaaaarie Kiraaan!'

Inzi: yeayyyz....a...is a good movie. In Pakistan is a favorite im a think. Sometimes izz a name our international umpires after bollywood movies.
Thaynk you Greg and Kiran. Ladies and a mans, iz a all the time we are have for a presentation. Thank you and iz a good night.

[fineleg]

ROFL, LMAO
Applause for both of you...great job, and keep it a comingz.

[dhruvdeepak]

credit goes to ruchir (and boyz of course) for coming up with the idea

[suraj]

tussi dono kamaal ho ji!!!!

[ruchir]

Okay, I suppose if Inzy was COACHING the Indian team, this is what he would say when interviewed by Jones:

Dean Jones: Welcome Inzy. Bad loss. Not a pretty sight at all, with the team capitulating in no time after lunch.
Inzy: Salaam-Walekum. Bismillah Rehman Rahim. First of al, iz, thanks to allah. Yes, iz, team not play well today. Boyz not listen to me. Iz, they play with their own mind. I tell them, iz, you not have any mind. Follow my words, but boyz not listen to me and, iz, all get out. What to do?

Jones: Yeah... it looked as if after lunch, nobody had any Jones in their bones to put up a good fight with the English bowlers.
Inzy: Iz, what is "Jones in the bones"? Iz, I'm Inzy. How can I use my name like that? Anyhoo, I ask boyz to follow my words and they not follow!! Iz, look what happen now.

Jones: Inzy, exactly what did you tell the boys to follow? What did you say? Tell me the exact words.
Inzy: Iz, this is what I say to them. I say "Salaam -walekum, boyz. Iz, first of all my name is Inzy and I would like to your coach." Then I say "Boys, iz, I want to you follow to me my words. And I tell you, iz, go there and play out. Play out, iz, like never you did before." Then I say "Iz, allah with you will be." Then I became tension, iz, because boyz look confusion!!

Jones: Seriously, Inzy. Did you say to them boys, exactly the same what you told me just now??
Inzy: Iz, yes. I tell them to follow my word. Iz, I don't know what they do. Nonsense player, iz, all of them.

Jones: (speechless).......... Uummm, Inzy, okay. You told them something and they followed it (or not).  Now tell me what are your plans for the WI test series?
Inzy: Iz, yes, WI is come now. I tell boys to play hard. I ask do practice. I tell Dhoni to not hit every ball like it iz Shoaib. I tell, I cool him. I ask him play with his mind.

Jones: What? You are playing with Dhoni's mind?
Inzy: No, iz, yes, iz, I mean. I tell Dhoni to play with his mind. I tell him to play his mind with cricket.

Jones: (confused)..... Okay, what about Yuvraj?
Inzy: Iz, Yuvraj is a lefty. Iz, I ask Akram to teach. Akaram lefty - Yuvraj lefty, they brother-brother. Akram teach Yuvraj a how hit ball, iz, he teach good. Yes, Yuvraj will learn. He bright boyz.

Jones: And Sehwag?
Inzy: Oh, iz, I call my wife make alu-paratha for him. Iz, he liek very much my wife paratha and I like too. Iz, we both eat parahta my wife. Sehwag is a friend. I ride auto him with, iz.

Jones: Okay, enough about players, what about you? How will you pass your time till the ODI series?
Inzy: Iz, yes, my wife here. I help team. Team help me with my wife. I have time pass. Lot of time. Wife is here. Team is here. We all team. Iz, We live like team.

Jones: (doesn't know where to look)..... Okay, Inzy. Thanks for your time. Nice talking to you.
Inzy: Iz, yes. Thank to you David. Iz, I talking enjoy much to  you and wife too.

Jones: It's Dean, not David.
Inzy: Yes, iz, Dean. David, Dean, one and same to me. Iz, bye bye. Thanks to allah.

[kban1]

ROFLMAO!!!!

Applause

[suraj]

What a gem ruchir- Applause!!!

BTW ruchir is good old  ruchir joshi na???

[dhruvdeepak]

 

have we run out of ppl for Inzy to impersonate?

no sireeeeee! The great Kiran More remains.

if you recall the story, Dravid has just run off with a bat to beat up a spectator (Inzy-style) and Kiran-iz-Inzy steps up to close the presentation.

Deano: Well mate, luck's a fortune for the Poms. What did you think of this afternoon's capitulation?

Inzy: Yeayyz bismillah ......to Allah. Yeayzz iz a tell boyz all week please play look forward and not in a back. Iz not a take a advice. Iz look at pretty gori in a standz and iz get out.

Deano: What's this about looking forward, fella?

Inzy: Yeayy is simple...a....a....(scratches beard, trying to pronounce word)....filsoapee (philosophy). Ayz when Im iz a bat, iz a look forward, and only forward. If iz a look back iz a get out. Only look forward, iz a tell them 100 time, magar, iz a not do a country proud today. behen ke lode iz a dispoint, iz baytting easy, look in forward.....

Deano: Err...right, so what are your plans for the team with the ODIs coming up and then the tour of the Caribbean?

Inzy: Iz a simple. Iz a work haaard, work with coach and learn when baytting only iz look forward at pitch and ball. Bowling iz a good... and one thing, iz a poor fielding. Iz Geoffree Baycot iz a tell me, iz this wut ees this fielding iz his ummi iz a catch the boll in her sleep. Iz not a understand this, but i think boyz must fielding better.

Deano: Yeah, Boycs' mum is legendary. Anything to say to this fantastic Mumbai crowd? They were lively.

Inzy: Yeayyy Mumbai iz good city. Shoaib iz a tell me he is do a many filmie star here. Iz a full crowd, good for Test cirkut. But one thing, sometime iz a jump too much like Miandad iz do to me in '92. Iz not able to look forward from sidescreen when iz a jump. Also, Grayg iz tell me iz use a bad word for me and sachin. Iz not a good spirut. Iz promis to work haard with boyz and give results.

*Sachin interrupts*

Sachin: (shrill voice) Aiy, listen, I really wish we could have performed better, so I apologize on the behalf of the team. I must say that I am playing my natural game, and also, the sidescreen is too small. My shoulder is okay, wear and tear happens, especially when 1 billion people put hopes on the shoulder for 17 years. But also, I think the reason we lost is that the batsmen took my words too literally. When I said 'whatever happens in the dressing room should stay in the dressing room' i didnt mean our batsmen should also be in a hurry to stay in the dressing room...

Deano: No worries mate, you're not a great player as I've mentioned in my commentary, so you're excused.
Inzy, any last words before we conclude?

Inzy: Yeay iz a thanks to Deano and God and all people for a watch the cirkut. Iz promis to make boyz look forward. Thaynks

[toney]

Ruchir, Dhruv: Awesome job, mates. Made my day after a bad day at work.

[kban1]

toney:

Your mood  coinciding with the number of posts so far (911) ?

[toney]

My mood has been that ever since India lost. But it will get back to  soon, I am sure.
I am on my way to beat Sri Lanka's record. I considered their tactics woeful at that point of time. Now, I am going to continue batting and put even them to shame.

[ruchir]

What a gem ruchir- Applause!!!

BTW ruchir is good old  ruchir joshi na???

Suraj: Yes, I am the same Ruchir Joshi.

[ruchir]

Okay, Dravid, Jones, Chappell and More are covered. How about Inzy as Ganguly? The scenario is that Ganguly was invited by Pawar to watch the 3rd Test and he accpeted -- inspite of his horrible domestic performance. After the match Jones sees him in the audience and calls him for a chat.

Jones: Nice to see you here, Inzy. Glad that you accepted M. Pawar's offer to come see the game.
Inzy: Salaam-Walekum. Bismillah Rehman Rahim. First of all, iz, thanks to allah. Yezz, iz, happy to be here, very very happy. Iz, nice talk to boyz again, give them some Boost for their moral. Sehwag drink milk with boost. Iz, they down, are very down, falling. They are very down people (bahut giray hue log hain). I come lift them up moral.

Jones: Ooookay. Whatever, now what do you think of the game?
Inzy: I am, iz, Inzy. I score 15000 run, all by myself. Iz, I am great batter. This game is great. Allah is great. First of all, iz, thanks to allah and Dalmiya. Kirrcut is great, iz, great game. Iz, I score 15000 run.

Jones: Yeah, I'm talking about today's game, not game of cricket.
Inzy: Yes, iz, even today Kirrcut is great. Iz, great a game. Today great iz a game too. ENG playz well. Iz, a IND are fools like a play. I play Yuvraj not team, iz, I score 15000 run. Oh, soory. I score a run like 150. I win, IND win, Allah win. Iz, I play good domestic. Iz, I take Wicut, I run score many too. I be in team, iz, Chappell give me chappal. Iz, I only like sandals, no chappal.

Jones: Chappell, chappal, okay, What have you decided of your future? Will you continue in domestic scene or will you retire.
Inzy: (Angrily)... You damn, iz..., iz.... you retire, your mother retire, Boycott's mother retire, your father retire. I no retire. Iz, why retire I? I playz well. Iz, I scre 15000 run. I score 100 zimbabwe no one do. Iz, Dalmiya tell not me retire. He courts case and becomez president of India and I make captain. I not retire. Dravid retire, sachin retire, chappell retire. You retire,  iz...... iz...... (seething with anger)

Jones: Okay, okay, Inzy. Calm down. I was just doing my job. Okay, now do you plan to keep playing for Bengal or switch?
Inzy: Iz, yeahzz, maybe i press switch to bombay. Iz, kolkata too dry, iz bombay there Nagma. Maybe I switch on bombay. Iz, I like female, iz, actor.

Jones: No, I was talking from cricket point of view.
Inzy: Yezzz, iz, Kirrcut too. Iz, maidan lot of there. Maybe, I allow play there. Lot of team. Iz, someone select me. Iz, I like bombay.

Jones: So, how are you coping up with not being with the national team.
Inzy: Iz, ha ha ha ha.... Iz, them ask you how coping. I politics play still with Bengal team. Iz, go seperate, no them. Iz, stay 5 star team in dhabaa. Iz, team no one to play with politics now. Ask them how time pass no me? Iz, me happy still with politics, how they happy no with me?

Jones: So, since you are not retiring, are you fighting your way back in the team?
Inzy: I am Inzy. Iz, not fight I for team place. Iz, Dalmiya help me place in team. He good as father. Iz, my father no good in kirrcut, Dalmiya iz good father. Iz, he play some politics my place in team fixed. Me not a soldier, I not fight. I like *hi. Iz, non-voilence. Chappell fight with me, I not fight him. Dravid play politics, iz, he captain I out. Dalmiya help me, talk to Azzu, fix Pawar. Iz, no fight to need. All politics, no business.

Jones: So, hows the kid doing? Your daughter loves you.
Inzy: Iz, I daddy the great. I Nagma ask who is your daddy. Iz, Nagma says you. I good daddy. But, iz, Nagma not my daughter. I her daddy, she not daughter.

Jones: (not knowing what hit him).......... I was talking about your and Donna's kid.
Inzy: Iz, she good too. I daddy the great. I play her with kirrcut, she politics me.

Jones: So, what message would you give to your fans in Bengal who support you and burn effigies of Dravid, Chappell at the slightest provocation.
Inzy: Iz, yezzz, first of all iz thanks to allah and thanks to fan. Iz, I like Orient fans. They run long, not tired and give air. But, iz, they burn electric, not chappell?? What you talk? You fool. I like also Khaitan Fans. Very good style them, no voice, more air, more silent. Iz, I friend with Khaitan babu moshai.

By now, Jones is tearing his hairs out.

Jones: I was talking about people of Bengal. Your well wishers. Any message for them.
Inzy: Oh them. I am Inzy. Iz, I score 15000 run. That why they like me kirrcut. But I not massage them. I tired too much play domestic. Them give massage to me. Iz, I not give them massage. And I use tap. I not wish any well. Iz, too hard pull up bucket and rope. Nagma like tap so I like Nagma and tap. Iz, no massage and well.

Jones: Okay, Inzy. Nice talking to you. Keep up the good work.
Inzy: Iz, yezz. Talk nice to you. Work good not I know. Only Nagma know. I hard work. Iz, she say work I hardly. But try hard, iz, I very much. Maybe not good. I try keep it up but it go down. Iz, I not know problem what.

Jones: Okay, Nagma maybe problem know what. Ask her me not. WHAT THE HELL?? What's happening to me?
Inzy: Izzz..... he he he he.... Me and Lalu same like. You change me not in 10 years. Iz, change you can me in 10 minutes. Bye bye. Izzzz. I am Inzy. I score 15000 runs. Iz.... I...

And the mike is taken away from him....

[dhruvdeepak]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA

convulsing...with laughter....

 

f****in hilarious

iz a Dada iz a best Inzy

more to come tomorrow...

[arjun]

Great spoofing- both Ruchir and Dhruv!

[Libran]

couldn't have done it better. so ill do something different. inzy will replace dean jones, and he will interview draavid:


Inzi: Ladies and mans, bismillah ur rahman ur rahim, first of all, thanks to God (Allah). Yeeeaaayyyz iz a good match of cirkut, all boyz is work haaard and iz enturtayning play. after match, iz only a one winner, england they iz do a great fight, iz a show a good spirut, and ayz a deserve to victory.
asaalaam o alaikum drayvid.

Dravid: Hey Inzy

Inzi: Yeayyz iz a dispointing loss for the boyz, wut ees thees? iz a fall like card of house after a eat the khana.

Dravid: Yeah, rather bizarre collapse wasnt it. It was actually quite interesting, the boys got out to some irresponsible shots after myself and sachin got out. I think we'll learn a lot from this, though.

Inzi: Yeayz iz a dhoni he is rape pakistan in the pakistan, but here he iz play a not a good shot.

Dravid: yeah dhoni was fantastic in pakistan, but im sure Greg with whip handy will have a few choice words to say to him later on. unfair to blame one person though. we were collectively and comprehensively beaten by a better England team.

Inzi: Yeaayzzz (strokes beard a little bit) aa...iz whut iz a plans for one dayer match?

Dravid: yep, 7 one dayers to come. We've been doing rather well in that format, and we'd like to continue. Our mantra of flexibility will be continued, there are some more youngsters donning the uniforms, it'll be a good contest. Of course, I will make all the decisions on the field.

Inzi: Yeayyy iz you are win all a toss in one dayer match in pakistan. Wut ees a plan if a lose the toss and a bat first of all?

Dravid: Look, we've got an exciting batting lineup, I'm sure we'll be able to put up good totals. With Munaf in the team and RP chomping at the bit, and Harbhajan looking better every day I'm fairly confident we'll be able to defend good totals.

Inzi: Iz a toss this match you are do a bowl first of all. Iz a mistake, no?

Dravid: Yeah, in hindsight maybe we could have batted. That was not the only reason for our loss though. The fielding was atrocious.

Inzi: aaa...yeayyz a, wut ees thees 'atrocious' meaning?

Dravid: If you remember the 5th ODI in Pakistan, and your team's fielding...

Inzi: yeayayayyheheahah, yeayyzz iz a Sami he is a run from ball. iz not in a spirut of cirkut.

Dravid: A small request, Inzi. Would appreciate if you hurry this ceremony up. Yuvi is in a rush to go meet Kim and the team has a bit of work to do this evening before that

Inzi: Ayz a team iz do a Kim together?

Dravid: ---

Inzi: yeayyz iz a intrusting coaching method by a Greg...yeay, Sehwaaag he is eat more aaloo paraanthe than me. Iz a fit for one dayer match?

Dravid: Well i've got you to thank for Sehwag's extra 50 pounds. Rarely has an international cricketer grown man-boobs. The both of your eating contests hasnt helped either of our teams much.
He'll be fit for the one-dayers, and a lot lighter, I daresay. Or dead from exhaustion/starvation.

Inzi: Yeayayahhah iz a good plan to tempt batsman with a food outside a offstump. Iz a not a leave a (home) delivery.
Iz a Mumbai crowd, iz not in a spirit i am think. Iz a do the 'boo' and say a bad word?

Dravid: To be honest we dont worry about a few cat-calls. We're too focussed on the job. We have to play our game, they are free to chant what they like
(Crowd starts chanting "Dravid hai hai! Bring back Sourav!")
If you wouldn't mind, Inzi, could you hand me that bat? I've got to go into the crowd and teach some people a lesson...

Inzi: Yeayyz, thanks to God.
Iz a coach Grayg and a Kiran iz join us for a two word or one.

Greg: G'day.
Kiran (Getting off the phone with Azhar): Yeah don't worry, I will only move forward in the Merc you gifted me, not back.

Inzi: Yeay iz a dispointing performance from boyz?

Greg: Yeah, look, we are going for youngsters to build for the future. There will be a few hard knocks on the way, but we've got to remain flexible and learn from our errors.
Kiran: Sourav will not be in the team till I retire.

Inzi: aaa....iz a not a ask about Sourav. Wut ees a plans for future?

Kiran: I dont know. Why are you eating my head. The team has been selected and we will not look back.

Inzi: But iz a loss in Test match, iz a need some explunaytion...

Kiran: Abhe sun, I dont know why we selected that team and what Greg and Dravid are doing. I am only looking forward to my job, not back.
Greg: Look, we are integrating some new strategies with this team, and we are slowly building up. Kiraaan is doing a fine job in choosing the team I tell him to. You know that song, Inzy? With the psychopath singing? 'Tewww hayy maaaaarie Kiraaan!'

Inzi: yeayyyz....a...is a good movie. In Pakistan is a favorite im a think. Sometimes izz a name our international umpires after bollywood movies.
Thaynk you Greg and Kiran. Ladies and a mans, iz a all the time we are have for a presentation. Thank you and iz a good night.

BRILLIANT ONE, DHRUV 

[achutank]

dhruv / ruchir

you guys promised one more.


how about all  three jokers in the commentary box  - LSK, AL, JS - become inzi at the same time and comment on the play between lunch and tea on the last day?

 

[fineleg]

Please include Srinath also in your scenario, and you can include the joker Raj Singh DUNGarpur.

Maybe you should discuss offline and make a "combined" production. That will be hilarious, surely.