It did not take long for the Indian think tank to swing into action. Buoyed by the totally unexpected Olympic medal bonanza the netas and babus lost no time putting together a committee to ensure Indian glory in the 2020 games. When the netas were specifically informed that this was not the shorter version of cricket, but the year in which one of the Olympic Games were scheduled for, it did not dampen spirits one bit. If the Indian railways could be turned around then we can do anything seemed to be the general refrain. For once they seemed to want an Indian contingent where the athletes outnumbered the officials. The small matter of the games not yet being awarded to any country least of all India, since the 2016 hosts had to be decided first was also no deterrent. It was unanimously agreed to let the same committee do work on the bid to get the games to India.
After learning that it was ‘Project 119’ that planned out China’s medal successes for the Beijing games, it was inevitable that this high powered group reasoned that they too needed a number. Suitable consultations with numerologists and assorted soothsayers had them decide that they would be known as Group 420. For some strange reason 420 seemed to have a particularly strong influence in the work ethics of the netas and babu’s in the country. Mercifully the number of members in the committee did not reach the magic figure of 420 but was still large enough to make it a rather unwieldy group. So much so, that within a few minutes they had broken off into smaller groups each discussing their ideas and throwing up their queries and expressing fears. Moving around I managed to get a feel of the various groups.
One member seemed surprised that the Indian’s did so poorly in swimming. He had imagined that with one part of the country or the other under floods every year without fail; he would have reasoned that everyone would have learnt to swim by now!
Another was more concerned that Phelps would win more medals than all of India could, but was put at ease when a slightly more learned member suggested that he would have retired by then. However he started sweating again when a wag suggested that given the state of Indian swimming, Mark Spitz could come out of retirement today and beat any Indian in the pool. The only hope it was decided was to move the events out of the pool and swim in the Ganges, where the pollution would knock the opposition out of medal contention.
Another group was animatedly arguing over why in India, where everyone learned to bicycle first even before they could run properly, that we could not stitch together a team? The inevitable conclusion was that we were so used to pedaling amongst killer traffic and a mass of pedestrians that our cyclists never knew quite what to do when they had an open empty stretch of track in front of them. ‘Slow cycle race’ was weakly suggested by someone for inclusion as an Olympic sport.
The members who took up the game of Hockey were pleased that their problems were only related to lack of funds and thereof as a consequence by which they were unable to pay foreign coaches. The case in point of some Australian returning back home unpaid was debated but now with the BCCI putting in some funds they agreed that hiring foreigners would no more be an issue. Besides in hockey our primary concern was to finish ahead of Pakistan and not worry about any medal.
In one corner of the venue there were concerns aired about not goofing up like the Chinese did by keeping cute girls away from the limelight simply because they had crooked teeth. Then it was reasoned that since the opening song would inevitably be sung in front of camera by a bollywood heroine, there was no question of the public believing that she was the real singer. Bedsides it would be too much of a risk to swing Lata Mangeshkar up on the high stage with the help of a crane.
The constant trampling of people visiting temples and such like in India was another sore point in the discussions. With the games bringing in record crowds, how to control them was a serious issue. Then it was suggested that by roping in the man of the moment Chiranjeevi, into the group would solve the problem. Apparently he had just got 800,000 or so strong a crowd into a single area for a meeting and had not only ensured that everyone there got water to drink but also got back to their homes safely. An amazing feat in a country like India where getting a 100 people to a wedding can be taxing. There is every chance that American biz schools will be queuing to study this feat after they finish with the IPL.
I finally managed to get the group discussing athletics and debating the reasons we were such poor runners. The general feeling was that everything in the country moved at such a languid pace that there was no reason for anyone to sprint after anything. Esoteric though the suggestion was, I thought it made sense in a vague way. A wild solution offered was to automatically award a college degree to anyone capable of running the 100 in under 10 secs. While it would have a few more sweating it out in the sun instead of their books, I am not convinced that this bolt from the blue will produce any Usains.
The Group 420 wound up its first session by electing a Games Commissioner to run the show , no doubt taking their cue from the successfully run inaugural edition of the IPL.
I was personally glad to be part of such an historic occasion where both the public and polity seemed determined to do something and while Group 420 has taken off with a hop and step the landing would surely be an OUCH!
AuthorTopic: Hop Step and Bump! (Read 830 times)
August 10, 2006, 10:08:09 AM