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[LosingNow]

Got this in email today..
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CHRISTMAS PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 01, 2007

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private
function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts e asy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

************ ********* ************ ********* *********

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 02, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.'

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconci liation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *****

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 03, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only'; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.  NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *****

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, e ach will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?! ?

Patty


************ ********* ********* ********* *********

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: October 05, 2007

RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the ta b le furthest from the 'grill of death,' as you  so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The b***h from HELL!!!!!!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ******

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 06, 2007

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.  In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan
 

[dextrous]

haha...im afraid, however, bill o' reilly will laugh too.

[ruchir]

Whoever thought of this -----> Simply Brilliant. 

On a serious note, Christmas has become a joke in USA, because of all these pressure groups and organizations like ACLU. Can't put cross anywhere, can't sing X-mas songs, can't do this, can't do that. Imagine if this was happening on a Diwali Party in India! How ridiculous it would be.

[kban1]

ROFL

Brilliant!!

[Cover Point]

Whoever thought of this -----> Simply Brilliant. 

On a serious note, Christmas has become a joke in USA, because of all these pressure groups and organizations like ACLU. Can't put cross anywhere, can't sing X-mas songs, can't do this, can't do that. Imagine if this was happening on a Diwali Party in India! How ridiculous it would be.

I agree!

May God bless America and may Christ have mercy on our souls. And may we all be saved (by Christ) from all the pagans who worship allah or the idol worshiping hindus or others who dont accept Christ as their personal saviour!!!

Amen.

[CLR James]

I agree!

May God/Allah/Ishvara/EL/Yaveh/Deus/As the case may be bless America and may Christ/Hanif/Paigambar/Tirthankar/Avataar/Buddha/as the case may be have mercy on our souls/saiwalas/nepeshs/atmaans/as the case may be. And may we all be saved (by Christ and associates) from all the pagans Pantheists/Panentheists/Agnostics/Atheists/materialists/terrorists/other profiled people who worship allah or the idol worshiping hindus or not worship in multi-cultural ways, or others including them who dont accept Christ as their personal saviour/Guide/King/Vince Lombardi. Remember, in the charitable spirit of the season, the rest of the world too. Remember that famous line from Saint Kubrick's celluloid lay Full Metal Jacket: "Inside every Gook there is an American waiting to jump out"

Amen/Awomen/Aneuter.

[pipsqueak]

here's wishing all DGians a merry christmas, happy new year, happy holidays, happy boxing day (test) etc. hope you all tuck into loads of christmas cakes, pudding, mince pies, pavlova, candy canes, longonberries, pigs in a blanket, gingerbread, marzipan and whatnots along with apple cider, eggnog(eww!) and champagne!

may you all grow spiritually and laterally!


The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus
by Ogden Nash 
   
In Baltimore there lived a boy.
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.

In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.
He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked NO ADMITTANCE.
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.

Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.
Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,
'There isn't any Santa Claus!'

Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild:
'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!'
Slunk like a weasel of a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot,
'There isn't any, no there's not!'

The children wept all Christmas eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.

He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp-a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.
What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.

What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of 'Don't,' and 'Pretty Please.'
He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'
'Jabez' replied the angry saint,
'It isn't I, it's you that ain't.
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!'

Said Jabez then with impudent vim,
'Oh, yes there is, and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't'
And suddenly he found he wasn't!
From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.

The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.

All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

[vincent]

Yes, who cares for these vote-bank loving hypocrites? Merry Chistmas and Happy New Year to all of you on this DG.

This virus is unfortunately spreading to other countries too. It was nice to see what happened in UK recently. A town forbade all the christmas related celebrations and decorations this year to "please" other communities. The non-christians went to the street to protest and demand christmas decorations, santa-claus etc be brought back. There are sensible people in other countries. People should celebrate all the religious festivals of their country which is part of the fun.

And here is the song dedicated to those hypocrites:

           <a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/IAckfn8yiAQ&rel=0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/IAckfn8yiAQ&rel=0</a>

[Blwe_torch]

Merry Chistmas and Happy New Year to all!

[LosingNow]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the DGians.

[Cover Point]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the DGians.

arent you about a week too early. Ya break le rahe ho?

[LosingNow]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the DGians.

arent you about a week too early. Ya break le rahe ho?

I know... but people are already heading for vacation.

Couple of my friends here in PHX are off from today till Jan 2!!