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[arjun]

My pick :

1. The Wall - in the classical mould, can keep one end up, but no slogger. Running between the wickets is a problem.

2. Feverpitch - the flamboyant plunderer. Often jumps out of the crease with stumps exposed.

3. PieterSAN - Stylish, copybook bat. Consistent. Mr Dependable.

4. Dextrous - Captain. Attacking batsman, plays on the frontfoot. Has uncanny similarities with another contemporary captain : excellent rapport with coach, but some of the senior players have formed a clique to oust him.

5. Jai - Dependable middle order bat. Keeps the scoreboard moving with unobtrusive singles but can slog when needed.

6. Kingofprussia - Wicketkeeper and solid middle order bat. Keeps a balanced view of the game from his vantage position behind the stumps.

7. Pipsqueak aka MT - allrounder! Can walk into the team on the basis of batting, or bowling alone. An ideal finisher with bat. Generates prodigious movement with the ball, gets most wickets with the one which suddenly dips in to take the bails.

8. Cover Point - Fast bowler. Has a lot of pace, but line and length is often a problem. Got a nasty bouncer in his armoury though.

9. Prfsr - Medium fast. Immaculate line and length bowler. Captain's choice in the slog overs.

10. Fineleg - Offspin. Boy, can he spin! Errs on the length while attacking, prone to giving away too many loose deliveries. And his 'doosra' is suspect!

11. Ruchir - legspin. Extracts a lot of vicious turn off even placid wickets. Resents the captain's field setting for him.

12th man : SGUSA - Excellent fielder in close catching positions. Can carry a drink- erm- drinks!

Coach : Kban. Terrific man manager, knows where he wants to take the team. His long strategic sessions are often sleep inducing.

Manager : CLR James - Been there, done that.

[Blwe_torch]

Great idea....to set the ball rolling in the slump period!

[pipsqueak]

very nice! and of course, some fine choices   

[Cover Point]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

[justforkix]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

Bat at 8 or warm the benches

[keep-it-cool]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

Bat at 8 or warm the benches

you stole CLR's line!

[ruchir]

OBJECTION.

I demand to be in the team as a bowling all-rounder. I should be used a a pinch hitter at # 3. My hitting the *ball* is legendary. And I never miss hitting the *ball* too, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Add that to the SPIN I can generate on any surface!!! Who is SRT in front of me? I will sulk if # 3 spot is not given to me and will issue public statements if my attitude (of sulking) is questioned by Pitamah. I also demand a written agreement with DEX that he will not declare the inning when I am in my 90s or 190s. There will not be any caps on my endorsment contracts and I will be in the team till the time I *feel* I can contribute.

[justforkix]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

Bat at 8 or warm the benches

you stole CLR's line!

you mean kban's line

[Cover Point]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

Bat at 8 or warm the benches

No one dares say that to me! I have the most runs at the best strike rate on the DG (Check out the app/smite for me). Who is this Kban to tell me what to do. He doesnt know the culture of this DG! He eats pasta (and fish occassionally). We eat paranthas! If I dont get to open I will form cliques (ha ha ha) within the team and then we will see how we even beat bangladesh!

I mean I have so much money riding on opening. How is what Kban or the team needs more important than making me happy!

[keep-it-cool]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

Bat at 8 or warm the benches

you stole CLR's line!

you mean kban's line

kban and 1 line somehow did not seem to match

[arjun]

I would like to open! Else I will sulk. Never mind that I have not been scoring too many runs lately. I want to open!!! I would like to point to my number of runs and strike rate (most number of applauds/smites) to prove that I am the best they have here!

I want to open!

Bat at 8 or warm the benches

No one dares say that to me! I have the most runs at the best strike rate on the DG (Check out the app/smite for me). Who is this Kban to tell me what to do. He doesnt know the culture of this DG! He eats pasta (and fish occassionally). We eat paranthas! If I dont get to open I will form cliques (ha ha ha) within the team and then we will see how we even beat bangladesh!

I mean I have so much money riding on opening. How is what Kban or the team needs more important than making me happy!

As the supreme selector, I put my foot down. The team cannot afford to have you open and watch your bowling go down the drain.

[poondu]

arjun,

Who is the sharad pawar of this DG? Maybe you also can mention the list of selectors.

[arjun]

OBJECTION.

I demand to be in the team as a bowling all-rounder. I should be used a a pinch hitter at # 3. My hitting the *ball* is legendary. And I never miss hitting the *ball* too, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Add that to the SPIN I can generate on any surface!!! Who is SRT in front of me? I will sulk if # 3 spot is not given to me and will issue public statements if my attitude (of sulking) is questioned by Pitamah. I also demand a written agreement with DEX that he will not declare the inning when I am in my 90s or 190s. There will not be any caps on my endorsment contracts and I will be in the team till the time I *feel* I can contribute.

Objection overruled. You were tried as a pinch hitter, but you forgot the basic cricketing premise that you can either pinch or hit, you cannot do both!

[ruchir]

OBJECTION.

I demand to be in the team as a bowling all-rounder. I should be used a a pinch hitter at # 3. My hitting the *ball* is legendary. And I never miss hitting the *ball* too, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Add that to the SPIN I can generate on any surface!!! Who is SRT in front of me? I will sulk if # 3 spot is not given to me and will issue public statements if my attitude (of sulking) is questioned by Pitamah. I also demand a written agreement with DEX that he will not declare the inning when I am in my 90s or 190s. There will not be any caps on my endorsment contracts and I will be in the team till the time I *feel* I can contribute.

Objection overruled. You were tried as a pinch hitter, but you forgot the basic cricketing premise that you can either pinch or hit, you cannot do both!

You haven't passed under my attention properly yet...  Otherwise you would have known that I can do many thing at the same time... and that includes pinching and hitting. Take you over ruling back. 

[Jai]

My pick :

1. The Wall - in the classical mould, can keep one end up, but no slogger. Running between the wickets is a problem.

2. Feverpitch - the flamboyant plunderer. Often jumps out of the crease with stumps exposed.

3. PieterSAN - Stylish, copybook bat. Consistent. Mr Dependable.

4. Dextrous - Captain. Attacking batsman, plays on the frontfoot. Has uncanny similarities with another contemporary captain : excellent rapport with coach, but some of the senior players have formed a clique to oust him.

5. Jai - Dependable middle order bat. Keeps the scoreboard moving with unobtrusive singles but can slog when needed.

6. Kingofprussia - Wicketkeeper and solid middle order bat. Keeps a balanced view of the game from his vantage position behind the stumps.

7. Pipsqueak aka MT - allrounder! Can walk into the team on the basis of batting, or bowling alone. An ideal finisher with bat. Generates prodigious movement with the ball, gets most wickets with the one which suddenly dips in to take the bails.

8. Cover Point - Fast bowler. Has a lot of pace, but line and length is often a problem. Got a nasty bouncer in his armoury though.

9. Prfsr - Medium fast. Immaculate line and length bowler. Captain's choice in the slog overs.

10. Fineleg - Offspin. Boy, can he spin! Errs on the length while attacking, prone to giving away too many loose deliveries. And his 'doosra' is suspect!

11. Ruchir - legspin. Extracts a lot of vicious turn off even placid wickets. Resents the captain's field setting for him.

12th man : SGUSA - Excellent fielder in close catching positions. Can carry a drink- erm- drinks!

Coach : Kban. Terrific man manager, knows where he wants to take the team. His long strategic sessions are often sleep inducing.

Manager : CLR James - Been there, done that.

Before anyone raises any question later, let me point out my contract details. As per my contract, I get paid additional money not only for big hits, but also for singles. That's why I like to rotate strikes. In fact, I get paid more for the singles and that's why you'll find me taking singles even during the slog overs. But there are times when I forget about my contract details and slog as hard as possible when a certain fast bowler or leg spinner of my own team try to match me. Before every delivery when you see me adjusting my gloves by raising my hands, I am actually showing off my sponsor's logo. Often you'll find me raising my bat towards the pavilion (even when I haven't scored a century or a half century) and asking for something. Yes, you guessed it right. That's to show off the logo on my bat.

However, with this team, I can  already see clash of egos, groupism etc. even before we have played a match. The team composition is not right. The bowling lacks variety. The off-spinner has often been repeatative and most of the batsmen have already figured him out. When an opening batsman fielding at short leg dropped a catch of his bowling off a no-ball, an ugly fight broke out and ultimately the coach and the manager had to intervene. The leg spinner has been quite good, but I must say the fellow players (except MT) are a bit concerned about his Raina like enthusiasm at the fall of a wicket. The fast bowler not only has problems with line and length, but he often gets into heated arguments with his teammates. Have no respect for the captain. Known for partying, but only with a certain group of people. Not an ideal team man. Thank God, I am in the good book of the Manager, but I'll still have a few sleepless nights before the Manager's report comes out. The only issue I have with the coach is that he spends a lot of time interacting with the bowlers although he was a batsman in his prime. But I am afraid the bowlers are not showing any signs of improvement. The only bowler who has been consistent is the medium fast bowler with whom the coach interacts the least apart from applauding him for his efforts. So, go figure. The coach is also known for sending SMSes.....errr.......PMs. He often gets into arguments with a certain journalist from 20/20. The coach also has this #1 fixation, like Govinda.

I better stop now before they serve me a show-cause notice.

[LosingNow]

A woman all-rounder. Excellent pick

[fineleg]

Great post, Great thread. A big Applause to everyone.
In a bit of rush today, will come back and re-read this a bit more leisurely later.

[arjun]

OBJECTION.

I demand to be in the team as a bowling all-rounder. I should be used a a pinch hitter at # 3. My hitting the *ball* is legendary. And I never miss hitting the *ball* too, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Add that to the SPIN I can generate on any surface!!! Who is SRT in front of me? I will sulk if # 3 spot is not given to me and will issue public statements if my attitude (of sulking) is questioned by Pitamah. I also demand a written agreement with DEX that he will not declare the inning when I am in my 90s or 190s. There will not be any caps on my endorsment contracts and I will be in the team till the time I *feel* I can contribute.

Objection overruled. You were tried as a pinch hitter, but you forgot the basic cricketing premise that you can either pinch or hit, you cannot do both!

You haven't passed under my attention properly yet...  Otherwise you would have known that I can do many thing at the same time... and that includes pinching and hitting. Take you over ruling back. 

Oh okay, may be you deserve another chance. But what happens to pietersan then? Will he agree to bat down the order?

[ruchir]

Don't worry about Pietersan agreeing. I will take care of that via PMs, SMSs, eMails and public statements, not to add my sulking.

[TheWall]

My pick :

1. The Wall - in the classical mould, can keep one end up, but no slogger. Running between the wickets is a problem.

Not to worry. I"ve hired Bevan as my personal coach and will unveil a not-so-slow Wall in the upcoming series.
(In case you are wondering, I got a new clause in his contract, that I will not get run out as often)

Hush, hush...I'm hitting back at the Aussies: Bevan is applying for Indian citizeship, thinks he can be playing till 48. I agree, he runs two runs before I finish one.

[Cover Point]

Well the Wall better come down the order too. Else the one with the most number of  runs err app/smite combo will be sulking! I want to open!

[pieterSAN]

I don't care where you put me...it is clear that the rest of the batsmen suck except for Colly...er I mean Jai. So I will just play for my hundred and leap for joy and party with models and rock 'n roll chicks.

Oh yeah....I also need more diamond studs....or something shiny so that the bowlers get distracted. Gotta sign with De Beers.

[sgusa]

I am going to spike all your drinks for making me the 12th man. I need sponsor money too, you know! Maybe I'll have a chat with the bookies regarding whom and when to spike the drinks

[CLR James]

The last time the team manager was in prominence was when the captain said "What is his (the manager's) contribution to Indian cricket?" So fellows, unless someone lets me play as the opener or gives me kban's job, I am signing a deal with star sports (they will offer me a contract, since I have been there, done that). Much more lucrative, much less responsibility, and much more fun. I will be laughing my sides off from the sidelines and preaching about body language and the need to keep the head still while you guys make asses out of yourselves. 

One small request though. I will write a book for my retirement funds when the circus is over. So please render all SMS-s, e-mails and other leaks of dirty dressing room secrets to me.

[pipsqueak]

A woman all-rounder. Excellent pick

are you saying i am a "quota candidate"? 

[Cover Point]

A woman all-rounder. Excellent pick

are you saying i am a "quota candidate"? 

I think thats what he is saying... but thats not a bad thing. Some quota candidates actually do have talent

[pipsqueak]

A woman all-rounder. Excellent pick

are you saying i am a "quota candidate"? 

I think thats what he is saying... but thats not a bad thing. Some quota candidates actually do have talent

good try, CP, but i ain't joining your clique here, THERE or any where! 

[kban1]

I have a question to ask ?

When the coach gets fed up and exasperated with mollycoddling the spoilt brats with oversized egos in the team, can he let out his frustrations by doing this __|__ ?

Or is there a gag on that too ? 

[sudzz]

bah, as usual the team picked is full of spoilt brats and maharathis. just star value. team players (such as myself) have been nudged out. as long as quotas have been filled (female quota a new one for me!), sponsors have been assuaged, all is well in Indian cricket. the deserving engsturs who have poured their heart and soul into the DG will be ignored.
this is relevant (been posted before):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoT6uHcEqXQ

as Bashar said, this team will be hammered in Bangla  . meanwhile, im going to give Mr. Chandra a call.

Go DD...power to the new generation....

[Blwe_torch]

Hey...how can you ignore a proven opener like me!?
OK....atleast give me the third umpire's role!

[pipsqueak]

bah, as usual the team picked is full of spoilt brats and maharathis. just star value. team players (such as myself) have been nudged out. as long as quotas have been filled (female quota a new one for me!), sponsors have been assuaged, all is well in Indian cricket. the deserving engsturs who have poured their heart and soul into the DG will be ignored.
this is relevant (been posted before):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoT6uHcEqXQ

as Bashar said, this team will be hammered in Bangla  . meanwhile, im going to give Mr. Chandra a call.

i protest! the following are my credentials

1. I have single-handedly taken away many threads from the opposition.
2. I have retired many times but have returned for the team's cause time and time again.
3. I am among the top run-getters on this DG. And just to prove to the world that I don't need my past achievements to bolster my record, I deleted them all and have started from scratch.
4. While I may not have bowled many a maiden over, I have clean bowled many.
5. I have won several prestigious awards.
6. I am very sharp and quick to react, have caused many a cop-out.
7. I may be from a minority segment on this DG, but I have defied all odds and opposition, and earned my place in the team.

With such a stellar record, for someone to say that I am a "quota candidate"! Fie on them!

 

[arjun]

bah, as usual the team picked is full of spoilt brats and maharathis. just star value. team players (such as myself) have been nudged out. as long as quotas have been filled (female quota a new one for me!), sponsors have been assuaged, all is well in Indian cricket. the deserving engsturs who have poured their heart and soul into the DG will be ignored.
this is relevant (been posted before):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoT6uHcEqXQ

as Bashar said, this team will be hammered in Bangla  . meanwhile, im going to give Mr. Chandra a call.

i protest! the following are my credentials

1. I have single-handedly taken away many threads from the opposition.
2. I have retired many times but have returned for the team's cause time and time again.
3. I am among the top run-getters on this DG. And just to prove to the world that I don't need my past achievements to bolster my record, I deleted them all and have started from scratch.
4. While I may not have bowled many a maiden over, I have clean bowled many.
5. I have won several prestigious awards.
6. I am very sharp and quick to react, have caused many a cop-out.
7. I may be from a minority segment on this DG, but I have defied all odds and opposition, and earned my place in the team.

With such a stellar record, for someone to say that I am a "quota candidate"! Fie on them!

 

Have not her performance proved that she is in the team on her own steam? I don't even see any replacement for her in the horizon! Shame on those who think otherwise!

[arjun]

bah, as usual the team picked is full of spoilt brats and maharathis. just star value. team players (such as myself) have been nudged out. as long as quotas have been filled (female quota a new one for me!), sponsors have been assuaged, all is well in Indian cricket. the deserving engsturs who have poured their heart and soul into the DG will be ignored.
this is relevant (been posted before):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoT6uHcEqXQ

as Bashar said, this team will be hammered in Bangla  . meanwhile, im going to give Mr. Chandra a call.

DD, don't sulk. Your turn will come. Be patient, and keep scoring in the domestics.

[arjun]

bah, as usual the team picked is full of spoilt brats and maharathis. just star value. team players (such as myself) have been nudged out. as long as quotas have been filled (female quota a new one for me!), sponsors have been assuaged, all is well in Indian cricket. the deserving engsturs who have poured their heart and soul into the DG will be ignored.
this is relevant (been posted before):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoT6uHcEqXQ

as Bashar said, this team will be hammered in Bangla  . meanwhile, im going to give Mr. Chandra a call.

Go DD...power to the new generation....

Any provocation which can potentially harm team spirit is deeply resented.

[arjun]

Hey...how can you ignore a proven opener like me!?
OK....atleast give me the third umpire's role!

Again, wait! Feverpitch is going through a purple patch right now, but his defence is always a trifle suspect. There have been occasions in the past when he dropped himself or was dropped. Your turn will come too!

[sudzz]

bah, as usual the team picked is full of spoilt brats and maharathis. just star value. team players (such as myself) have been nudged out. as long as quotas have been filled (female quota a new one for me!), sponsors have been assuaged, all is well in Indian cricket. the deserving engsturs who have poured their heart and soul into the DG will be ignored.
this is relevant (been posted before):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoT6uHcEqXQ

as Bashar said, this team will be hammered in Bangla  . meanwhile, im going to give Mr. Chandra a call.

Go DD...power to the new generation....

Any provocation which can potentially harm team spirit is deeply resented.

Any anti youth policy will be deeply resented...youth are the future whats the point in saddling this team with aging stalwarts who have other agendas to pursue...

[sudzz]

Hey...how can you ignore a proven opener like me!?
OK....atleast give me the third umpire's role!

Again, wait! Feverpitch is going through a purple patch right now, but his defence is always a trifle suspect. There have been occasions in the past when he dropped himself or was dropped. Your turn will come too!

Iam sure you need a match referee as well...can I apply?

[Jai]

How about offering MT something like 'Extra Innings'? Any volunteer for Charu Sharma's role?  Btw, I am not suggesting here that MT will go the Mandy way (if you remember one of my recent threads).  But it'll be nice to have a TV show on our cricket with some glamour added to it.

[pipsqueak]

How about offering MT something like 'Extra Innings'? Any volunteer for Charu Sharma's role?  Btw, I am not suggesting here that MT will go the Mandy way (if you remember one of my recent threads). 

What a sinister plot! I am glad this email was leaked. Just because I am not from the power faction, you want to sideline me into a host of a cricket show? Am no exraaaaaa but the fulcrum of the team.

When I retire, I intend to run a Shahs & Wuss show where I will interview rich, wussy men and rate them from 1 to 10.

[Blwe_torch]

No place for Achutank?!!........a genuine heavy-weight.
I am sure, he would lend balance to the team!